Ticking Away the Moments

I can't remember which gathering it was, but during some event we hosted at our house over the holidays I had a conversation with someone older and much wiser than myself about our perceptions of time. Apparently, as we age, the amount of space memories and experiences take up in our physical brains gets smaller, so we actually perceive time to pass more quickly. Another effect of aging to join these expanding laugh lines! But I do find myself more frequently uttering, “How is it already Thursday?” and, “Holy cow, it’s almost February?” and, “Where did 2018 go?!”

I've had the luxury of being able to take extended weekends to appreciate the natural beauty of Colorado, to travel and explore new cities and savor new flavors, visit family all across the country, and relax in far-away places, and wouldn't trade those moments for anything. But, in order to truly cherish the beautiful moments, you can’t trade the icky ones either. The joy inherent in a reunion with a sweet friend also requires a goodbye.

With Bosco’s age becoming more apparent on a daily basis, last week I found myself thinking fondly of the days his boundless energy and destructive teeth wreaked havoc on our bedroom furniture. Something I would never have considered in the moment I was researching whether it was possible to smooth out and refinish walnut with chunks gnawed out of it!

I have also found myself nostalgic for days when all I had to do was get through piles of homework assignments and make sure the dishwasher was emptied when it was clean. I remember constantly feeling stressed and overwhelmed during high school and college, longing for the day when I’d have a job that didn’t involve bringing any work home, and I could enjoy my evenings and weekends – ha! I would love the ability to settle down with an interesting book and read for hours without feeling guilty about all of the things I should be doing instead.

Perceived speed aside, I did need the sage reminder that you only get to experience this life once, and each piece of it – beautiful or bitter – contributes to the tapestry you are weaving.

Life's a Ball If Only You Know It

I had a fantastic weekend! It included plenty of family, lots of being lazy, and some amazing food and beverages. We started off Friday with a family birthday celebration, Mom grilled salmon and asparagus just for me, and of course made another scrumptious carrot cake. All of the birthday greetings that trickled in throughout the week warmed my heart, and it was such a joy to hear from friends and family far away!

Saturday I got to spend the whole day with my Valentine. I woke him up with a customized breakfast of s'more-stuffed french toast grilled in a waffle iron, because that's how we roll. They actually turned out pretty well - if you're in the mood for a sugar rush and a carb-coma. We overcame, thanks be to some quality caffeinated lattes, and spent a couple of hours purging the file cabinet and sorting through a ton of paperwork that has been piling up.

After some productivity, we took a dip in the hot tub and got cleaned up for dinner. He took me to the pairing dinner at BRU, five courses paired with five different brews. We started with a smoked oyster and finished with a cream puff topped with cherry ice cream. The pairings were delightful, the food was delicious, and the company was both.

The night was still young when we finished at BRU, so we headed to the Lee Hill Upslope taproom. See, they canned their small batch of Wild Saison, and I had my heart set on getting a few of them. As a bonus, I got to try their special Valentine's Day cask that had hibiscus in it, and then got to lose at a tough game of darts. Overall, it was a great night.

Sunday was another lazy day - we have a game of Lego Batman going (he's Batman, I'm Robin), and we made some headway against the Joker level. Dad came over and helped with some electrical connections and then we snuggled in for another delicious home-made meal and a wood fire.

It was one of those weekends that makes you grateful for everything life is dishing up. I am so lucky to be facing the challenges and enjoying the benefits with a partner who loves me, family who support me, and friends who make me smile. La vie est si belle.

I Wish I Were Brave

I just did something that truly terrifies me. I took a huge leap of faith and put myself on the line, and laid bare my personal and professional aspirations to friends and colleagues, asking for their support. In my head, I know that at the end of the day these are people who are in my life for a reason, and if they change their opinion of me based on this request, they simply are not the member of my support network I assumed they would be.

That's where the fear lies - no matter what the responses are to this request, it will be obvious who does not support me. Yes, I will continually need to remind the ESFJ sensor-feeler in me not to take it personally, like just about every other human interaction I have. However, this feels really big because it's honestly the first time I have had something concrete to ask for since I started my business. Assuming you have people on your team is different than knowing who's there for sure.

Last January, I started off 2014 knowing that life would look a lot different at the end of the year. And oh, did it ever! There were a lot of things I decided to do that I had to justify to myself and to naysayers - start a company, support a husband who's job took him across the country for months, arrange a song for performance, quit a job. Big, life-altering decision, but changes that I have hope will lead to the flexible, fulfilling, happy and healthy life I dream about.

Now that the year is over, I am trying to decide if pushing myself to face my fears and try to embrace my true self has made it any easier to "hit send," so to speak, and follow through with decisions I make. I don't think that it really has, but I do know for sure that in the past year I experienced more moments of joy in my life than I have in a while. Inspired to continue designing the life that I want to live and share with my family, I resolve to ask myself, "Will this add joy to my life?" when facing a dilemma, and if the answer is yes, I'm in.

So long to last year, it's all becoming so clear
There's no use living in regret
Let's fight a good fight, train our eyes to find the light
And make this year the best one yet
Starting right here
Happy New Year

~ JJ Heller, "This Year"

Don't Make Me Live for my Friday Nights

Approaching the last week of my twenties, I attended a birthday celebration for a dear friend. It was a fairly intimate group that gathered for dinner on Saturday evening on Pearl Street, and after dinner we went to the new bar Press Play. It's a basic arcade bar, with lots of classic Atari games (BG had the high score on the Centipede console for a while) and some fun pinball machines. We had been there before, but not really on a weekend night, or when students were in town. It got packed pretty quickly, and there was more than one moment when I had the thought "I think I am getting too old for this..."

I was lamenting this fact when somebody else at our table said something along the same line. We laughed at our observation, and throughout the night added to the list of things that we found ridiculous about our situation.

You know your twenties are over when...
1.) You think the music is loud before the DJ is completely set up.
2.) You think the waitress pushing jello shots needs to put some pants on.
3.) The 2x4 Jenga game collapsing onto the concrete floor makes you wonder if ear plugs would be prudent.
4.) You think the pool tables are too close together, because you can hear the guys playing next to you talking about getting arrested.
5.) You are glad you skipped the heels and opted for something with less character because you know your feet would be killing you all weekend.
6.) You wonder if she is wearing a shirt or a dress.
7.) You think all of the boys in the room need a haircut and a new razor.
8.) You don't get carded at the bar.
9.) You see somebody you might recognize from high school, and realize that was 15 years ago, and it's most probably not them.
10.) You can't imagine sticking around for last call.

Sometimes I think I have hung on to some amount of youth, and then I have a night like this and realize that I am facing 30 head-on. And, honestly, I am okay with that.