Joy You May Define in a Thousand Ways

Happy May Day! It's been a long week catching up from several trips in April. Feeling fairly productive so far, I invested this Friday in appreciating some of the people who have had a positive impact on me over the past six months that I've been working on this entrepreneurial gig. I loaded my sidekick and a field of tulips into the car with me, mapped out the best order to hit all of my destinations, and dropped off small colorful offerings of May Day joy.

I had nothing to sell, was not intending to interrupt anyone or take up any time, and just wanted to let people know that thinking of them makes me smile. However, what happened today was so much more than I anticipated! My first stop happened to be in the middle of a meeting that had sequestered everyone in the office except for one person who I had met before, but had not had an opportunity to work with directly. After a five minute conversation and an offer to take her out to coffee next week so we could continue to chat, she walked me out to my car and told me that I had been sent by the Universe to answer a question she had been struggling with, and that she suddenly felt free to enjoy her weekend.

My second stop was to a supplier who was entertaining a customer in her store, and I honestly tried to be clandestine but ended up getting absorbed into their conversation. We exchanged introductions, and I had to go back to the car to get a business card so we could connect. Three of the people I stopped to see were out for the day, but those instances allowed me to meet new people within their organizations who were quite excited about the flowers they now got to deliver to colleagues on my behalf. Some of my gifts were left with receptionists to deliver, which resulted in several gracious emails and phone calls.

In addition to brightening the desks of my clients, partners and mentors, I was able to introduce myself and my services to new people in a natural way that didn't feel the slightest bit sales-y. And everyone I interacted with was in a great mood! What started out as me wearing my heart on my sleeve and expressing my gratitude turned into a very productive day of networking. It is truly amazing what can happen when you stop thinking about what you need, and consider what you can give(or give back) to others who have shown you kindness.

Life's a Ball If Only You Know It

I had a fantastic weekend! It included plenty of family, lots of being lazy, and some amazing food and beverages. We started off Friday with a family birthday celebration, Mom grilled salmon and asparagus just for me, and of course made another scrumptious carrot cake. All of the birthday greetings that trickled in throughout the week warmed my heart, and it was such a joy to hear from friends and family far away!

Saturday I got to spend the whole day with my Valentine. I woke him up with a customized breakfast of s'more-stuffed french toast grilled in a waffle iron, because that's how we roll. They actually turned out pretty well - if you're in the mood for a sugar rush and a carb-coma. We overcame, thanks be to some quality caffeinated lattes, and spent a couple of hours purging the file cabinet and sorting through a ton of paperwork that has been piling up.

After some productivity, we took a dip in the hot tub and got cleaned up for dinner. He took me to the pairing dinner at BRU, five courses paired with five different brews. We started with a smoked oyster and finished with a cream puff topped with cherry ice cream. The pairings were delightful, the food was delicious, and the company was both.

The night was still young when we finished at BRU, so we headed to the Lee Hill Upslope taproom. See, they canned their small batch of Wild Saison, and I had my heart set on getting a few of them. As a bonus, I got to try their special Valentine's Day cask that had hibiscus in it, and then got to lose at a tough game of darts. Overall, it was a great night.

Sunday was another lazy day - we have a game of Lego Batman going (he's Batman, I'm Robin), and we made some headway against the Joker level. Dad came over and helped with some electrical connections and then we snuggled in for another delicious home-made meal and a wood fire.

It was one of those weekends that makes you grateful for everything life is dishing up. I am so lucky to be facing the challenges and enjoying the benefits with a partner who loves me, family who support me, and friends who make me smile. La vie est si belle.

If You Love Somebody, Better Tell 'Em While They're Here

This has been a rough week. Bosco had to have an emergency surgery to correct a GDV and a gastropexy to hopefully prevent it from happening again. Very fast, very scary, and very expensive. He spent a few days in the clinic struggling with a rocky recovery, which the vets blamed on his age, and I blame on his Addisons. He's been home for several days now, is off of the pain meds, and thankfully seems to have more energy and appetite every day. He is also rocking a t-shirt that covers up his healing incision, and minimizes the time he has to spend in the cone of shame every day. The vets sent him home in a kelley green tee, that totally brings out the gold flecks in his eyes. He's definitely a winter - cranberry and cobalt are also good colors on him! Only half-kidding...

This week also included multiple memorial services. It's been an interesting experience to engage at various levels with them. One was for a dear lady I knew through church who was struggling with declining health and dreading potential long-term care solutions. Her children said that she "decided to go out on her own terms," and left this life a week before she was scheduled to move into an assisted living facility in Tuscon. We also sang at a memorial service for a friend's son, who lost his battle with brain cancer at 22. This service was packed, standing room only, and was full of the joy that he spread around him in his short time with us.

I've spent a lot of time thinking this week about what is truly important to me. At the end of the day, what will I remember? What seemingly urgent issues will be swept into the archives of memory and never brought out again? My little family was put through the ringer this week, but the joy that we shared when we could all be home together and at peace again made the challenging days worth the emotional and physical efforts. At the end of my life, what will be remembered about me? I would love to be able to say I created a legacy of joy and light. Since I've spent a good amount of time over the past few weeks considering what my priorities for 2015 should be, this has adjusted them slightly. What is the legacy you want to create?

Life is always unexpected, and sometimes it is hard. But the sun shines much brighter after a storm.

I Wish I Were Brave

I just did something that truly terrifies me. I took a huge leap of faith and put myself on the line, and laid bare my personal and professional aspirations to friends and colleagues, asking for their support. In my head, I know that at the end of the day these are people who are in my life for a reason, and if they change their opinion of me based on this request, they simply are not the member of my support network I assumed they would be.

That's where the fear lies - no matter what the responses are to this request, it will be obvious who does not support me. Yes, I will continually need to remind the ESFJ sensor-feeler in me not to take it personally, like just about every other human interaction I have. However, this feels really big because it's honestly the first time I have had something concrete to ask for since I started my business. Assuming you have people on your team is different than knowing who's there for sure.

Last January, I started off 2014 knowing that life would look a lot different at the end of the year. And oh, did it ever! There were a lot of things I decided to do that I had to justify to myself and to naysayers - start a company, support a husband who's job took him across the country for months, arrange a song for performance, quit a job. Big, life-altering decision, but changes that I have hope will lead to the flexible, fulfilling, happy and healthy life I dream about.

Now that the year is over, I am trying to decide if pushing myself to face my fears and try to embrace my true self has made it any easier to "hit send," so to speak, and follow through with decisions I make. I don't think that it really has, but I do know for sure that in the past year I experienced more moments of joy in my life than I have in a while. Inspired to continue designing the life that I want to live and share with my family, I resolve to ask myself, "Will this add joy to my life?" when facing a dilemma, and if the answer is yes, I'm in.

So long to last year, it's all becoming so clear
There's no use living in regret
Let's fight a good fight, train our eyes to find the light
And make this year the best one yet
Starting right here
Happy New Year

~ JJ Heller, "This Year"

Won't Stop Groovin'

I love Taylor Swift's new song, Shake it Off, and I think I actually appreciated it even more after I saw the music video. I have moments like this every day, being a circular block that just won't fit through the square hole. I have always made up my own moves, but just recently have I really settled into a level of comfort with myself that has allowed me to dance on my own while ignoring the fear that I won't align with what the haters, fakers, and heartbreakers might think/say/do about it. This is inspiration to keep running uphill, to keep pursuing ideas that nobody understands just because they've never thought of it before, and to keep ignoring the negative energy that is all around us. It helps to increase the vibrations of a rough day, and reminds me that there are others out there fighting the good fight. OX

Let It Go

This is a big week for the Gustin family. My management consulting days are dwindling into single digits, we celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary as well as the fall equinox, and a new moon graced the sky. What a great time to reset intentions and set goals for the next few months!

One thing I've been struggling with this summer is the ability to cross something off my list and be done with it. I have gotten really good at procrastinating - I can fabricate a valid reason to justify putting off doing anything I am not 100% inspired by. Lately it's been hitting the send button, figuratively and literally. I'm not sure if it's my internal pursuit of "perfection" that is holding me back, but there are a lot of things I have been transferring from one list onto another each week. I work on it, but it's not quite ready, or I just don't feel like it's the exact message I want to send, or I get nervous about how others are going to perceive something - so I just put it on the back burner and expect that I will have an epiphany and find the right words. I know this is slowing me down, so I am making a concerted effort to dial back my expectations and be content with "good enough."

There are only so many times I can read a press release and find ways to improve it before the editing becomes a marginal use of my time. First impressions are critically important, but if it's just an email I should find a way to keep it simple and send a clear but concise introductory message. Letting an idea marinate for another 24 hours will not provide enough additional creative content to justify putting off the phone call another day.

Any time I waver about getting something accomplished enough that I could cross it off my list, I am going to give myself another 15 minutes to agonize over it and then let it go and move on to other things. We'll see how this goes...

How Sweet It Is

Back in May I made a commitment, along with Mom and Brian, to give up sugar for the summer. Anything with sugar in it, as well as anything the body processes as sugar - all carbohydrates, including grains, fruit, various high-glycemic vegetables like corn and beets and carrots, and alcohol. It was very challenging, but it had a huge positive impact on my fitness and my energy levels, and my waistline. A few weeks ago I started adding in foods that I have been avoiding, and there are several unexpected changes in my tastes that I have noticed.

First of all, eating anything that is remotely sweet feels extremely indulgent. I can't deny that I decided to start phasing sugars back in when I did because during this time of the year you can't walk into a produce department without being assaulted by the sweet smell of ripe peaches and cantaloupe. I have been gorging myself on grapes, berries, stone fruits and melons, and it has been amazing! Another thing that I never really craved before that I have become addicted to is nut butter. I will eat chunky peanut butter on just about anything now - toast, bananas, oatmeal, or sometimes just by the spoonful. I have also discovered a cocoa-almond butter that is smooth and creamy and just as satisfying.

I also have a much higher tolerance for plain and simple veggies. I don't need much(if any) dressing on my salads anymore, and don't need much seasoning to enjoy broccoli fresh out of the steamer or zucchini straight off the grill. Most of the snacks we made all summer were just chopped bell pepper or cucumbers or jicama, and I find myself craving those tastes and textures now.

As I have again tried foods I denied myself for a few months, there are several things I used to crave that don't do anything for me now. For example, breakfast burritos were a staple in my nuke-it-and-eat-on-the-way-to-work morning routine, and now the potatoes and tortilla just seem bland and unnecessary - I'd much prefer the eggs, sausage, cheese and green chile on its own, even though it's not a commute-friendly dish outside of its handy wrap. I get very full quickly when I eat carbs now, too. I have been trying to eat 1 carb, 1 protein, 1 fat and 1 fruit with breakfast - which is actually quite a lot of food. When I used to be ready for lunch by 11:30, now I don't even think about food until at least 1.

This whole exercise has promoted healthy changes in our habits - but is definitely has not been cheap. Good produce is expensive! We've been going through hearts of romaine lettuce like you would not believe, and every time I stop at a grocery store to get more lettuce I end up shopping for auxiliary vegetables and proteins. It's no wonder that people with fixed incomes are reliant on frozen dinners and processed meals - they're crazy cheap when you compare that to how much it would cost to purchase the whole ingredients to cook similar menus. We are blessed that we live in a community where CSA's are readily available, healthy lifestyles are supported by the local economy, and we can select fresh foods anytime we visit a store.