I Wish I Were Brave

I just did something that truly terrifies me. I took a huge leap of faith and put myself on the line, and laid bare my personal and professional aspirations to friends and colleagues, asking for their support. In my head, I know that at the end of the day these are people who are in my life for a reason, and if they change their opinion of me based on this request, they simply are not the member of my support network I assumed they would be.

That's where the fear lies - no matter what the responses are to this request, it will be obvious who does not support me. Yes, I will continually need to remind the ESFJ sensor-feeler in me not to take it personally, like just about every other human interaction I have. However, this feels really big because it's honestly the first time I have had something concrete to ask for since I started my business. Assuming you have people on your team is different than knowing who's there for sure.

Last January, I started off 2014 knowing that life would look a lot different at the end of the year. And oh, did it ever! There were a lot of things I decided to do that I had to justify to myself and to naysayers - start a company, support a husband who's job took him across the country for months, arrange a song for performance, quit a job. Big, life-altering decision, but changes that I have hope will lead to the flexible, fulfilling, happy and healthy life I dream about.

Now that the year is over, I am trying to decide if pushing myself to face my fears and try to embrace my true self has made it any easier to "hit send," so to speak, and follow through with decisions I make. I don't think that it really has, but I do know for sure that in the past year I experienced more moments of joy in my life than I have in a while. Inspired to continue designing the life that I want to live and share with my family, I resolve to ask myself, "Will this add joy to my life?" when facing a dilemma, and if the answer is yes, I'm in.

So long to last year, it's all becoming so clear
There's no use living in regret
Let's fight a good fight, train our eyes to find the light
And make this year the best one yet
Starting right here
Happy New Year

~ JJ Heller, "This Year"