I've Got a Hammer & a Heart of Glass

I found this in my current edition of "The Week," and it is a pretty perfect summary of the anxiety I have over the future of this nation's economy. I went back to school because I wanted to gain some insight into my strengths and how I can better apply them to my world. Even in college I had decided that I wanted to pursue a master's, and I selected a very rigorous program because I have always been an ambitious person; just going through the motions wouldn't have satisfied my intentions. I also decided that a college degree alone will not provide me with enough resources and credibility to achieve all of the elements the career of my dreams includes.

In this excerpt, Francis Wilkinson articulates the deep-seated fear that has been tormenting my hope in our future, as I have struggled to justify the jobs I think I would enjoy with the jobs I think people will pay me to do.

When I was a recent college graduate, I was fired from my job at an upscale Manhattan wine shop. (My boss' diagnosis was correct: I did have an attitude.) With rent to pay and no job prospects, I entered a Midtown messenger firm and started delivering packages for minimum wage. At week's end, I had scarcely more money than I had begun with. As a student, I had been enterprisingly frugal, cooking on an upturned electric iron when my propane stove was spent. That sort of poverty had its youthful charm. But working full-time for nearly nothing was something else - a depressing, even terrifying, experience.

According to a new study, three quarters of the jobs created in the first half of 2010 were low-paying - $9 to $15 per hour. I suspect that many Americans who hold such jobs - especially those with children - could teach me a thing or two about what true depression and terror feel like. The plight of the poor is, of course, a perennial topic, but its contours change according to the prevailing idealogical light. Looking back, we see the earnest, striving immigrants of the early 20th century, those teeming urban masses yearning for fresh air and a chance to make good. In the 1960's, we had the grim, explosive underclass, which was replaced in the 1980's by a sketch of Cadillac welfare mothers. Now, in the wake of the Great Recession, a new poor is taking shape - the desperate, downwardly mobile. Betrayed by markets, forsaken by government, they seem to look different this time. But their harrowing vantage point is the same as ever.

Just a Fool

Unemployment does have a few benefits, like enjoying several off-peak ski days this season, which has made for wide-open slopes and clear highways.

I have recently had a few promising interviews which have made me realize that my flexible days might be dwindling! As ready as I am to start the next chapter of my life, it's hard to imagine going back to work 40+ hours a week and limiting my ability to be alternatively productive. The things I am worried about fitting into a full work week include regular workouts, movie dates with Jay, Thursday trips up to Loveland or Winter Park, house maintenance, and quality time with Bosco. It also will challenge the amount of time I will be able to invest in supporting the RMCMA and the Humane Society.

Will I be able to find something to fill my time that is meaningful enough to my world that it's worth these sacrifices? Or am I crazy to think that I could achieve a work-life balance that satisfies more than one aspect of my aspirational goals?

Two Hands

Got this from Kallie's Beware the Moxiesaurus! blog, and I am interested to see the response I get.

Pay It Forward 2011 - I promise to send something handmade to the first 3 people who leave a comment here. To be eligible, you must also post this in your social media and offer the same thing to 3 other people. The rules are that it must be handmade by you, and it must be sent *sometime* in 2011.

Waiting in Vain

Where is the humanity in our contemporary human resource departments? Because of the 'poor economy,' the state of a job search these days seems to be a 'buyers' market.' I wholeheartedly agree with The Boston Globe's Heather Boushey that as a nation we have accepted our anemic economy as an excuse. America's previous can-do attitude has fallen by the wayside in lieu of a resigned acknowledgement that we can't change anything until it improves. OK, but it's an economy. Part psychological game, part monetary policy, part fiscal responsibility, and directly affected by decisions we as consumers make on a daily basis. Instead of promoting employment and investment like Germany, the low-growth ideals stimulating today's market seem to be leading us down the path that Japan took two decades ago that they are arguably just now beginning to come out of.

The most frustrating part of this situation for me is the carte blanche on manners that HR managers have developed. They don't need to impress anybody they don't want to hire, so they can get away with anything. Most of the time that means they can ignore me completely. Here are some ugly stats from my nine months of searching:

• After submitting an application, only 32% of the companies have sent an email acknowledging receipt of my submission. Each response is a very vague form letter from a donotreply@ address, with a "don't call us, we'll call you if we want to" message. Heart-warming to read, after you have devoted a few hours or days, or in one case two weeks, to perfecting your cover letter and adjusting your words to present yourself in the best light possible, but still provides peace of mind that you at least made it into the system.
• Only 9% of the companies I applied to gave me a personalized response. A couple of phone calls to follow-up on my resume with a few questions, and some emails to me from an actual recruiter.
• Possibly the most upsetting number is the actual resolutions I have been sent: 6%. That's how few of the companies I have tried to get a job with respect candidates enough to tell me I didn't meet their qualifications and they were moving forward in another direction. Phone interview or not, it is rare to actually be officially rejected! Someone told me once that I should be glad for that because I wasn't actually dealing with rejection, but I would seriously prefer to know that I was no longer on their list than leave everything up in the air.

When I had to replace myself before I left for Thunderbird, I received about 120 applications for the position. I personally wrote back to everybody, even the JD who wanted $140K to tell him that he was overqualified to manage the office supplies at a small software shop. It didn't take that much time to thank them for their work and wish them the best...am I the only person to consider how the brand is perceived by potential employees? Not to mention respecting the pursuit of other opportunities each candidate is looking into? But then again, I am just a bi-lingual MBA looking for work in a recession.

The Lion Sleeps...

Saturday night we celebrated my parent's 34th anniversary with a family dinner and a Straight No Chaser show in Denver. What a fantastic end to a rough week - I am still smiling inside! The talent in the group is enormous, and the passion they have for the music and the joy that they find in entertaining is incredibly contagious! The music ranged from Madonna's "Like A Prayer" to a Superstition/Saturday Night Fever mashup, with a Lady Gaga medley and some Jason Mraz to mix it up. My favorite song, hands down, was their post-encore acoustic rendition of "In the Still of the Night." They brought the energy up and the sound down flawlessly with this classic a cappella, and captivated a full house. Absolutely breathtaking.

It made me realize how much I miss being on stage! I miss the outlet of the music, the companionship of the rehearsal process, and the joy of performing. I need to hurry up and get hired someplace so that I can build a life around my new routines!

All the Days that I Cost

I made it 173 days on the job-hunt before my first real panic attack. When I got back to Boulder this summer, I told myself that it would take at least three months to find a position that fit, and probably more with the current state of the economy. I was prepared for the blatant self-promotion and the pursuant rejections, and ready to suffer at becoming completely dependent on my husband. I took on more than my fair share of housework because I was home and it was convenient, and Brian's work days seem to be getting longer. I accepted my lack of a social life because of my isolation from human contact. I understood that there would be emotional ups and downs, and I prepared myself to brush off the negative associations and cling to the positive relationships and networks I could connect to.

But my first loan payment is due in two weeks, and I have nothing on the table. I had a really deep conversation this morning with a mentor about the power of staying positive and affirming to myself that I do have potential and will eventually find the perfect job, but the more I thought about it throughout the day the less positive I felt. By the time dinner was ready I was in tears and wondering what is wrong with me that I don't merit any form of response from companies I have applied to, and how I could have survived a rigorous MBA program without any skills that are applicable in today's society.

Upon being reminded that this country was built on the value of hard work, and that sometimes to make ends meet you don't get to choose what you do, I have considered just finding something to do. OK, I could wait tables - but who would hire me, with my limited restaurant experience from back in 1999? Nobody. I could go back to WS, or find another retail store I would enjoy, and could easily find a seasonal position with the OND season upon us. However, I don't know if I am willing to become a slave to the scheduling manger's whims, and give up every day my family will be expecting me to appear at. I could try to apply some of my education and look for students to tutor in French...or start advertising house-sitting services...or look for a part-time admin job in a doctor's office...and be completely thrilled that I am $100K in debt for no apparent reason.

But I need to be able to trust myself to continue the search for full-time work, that I have been focused on for the past two years, and try to make the most of the tools I have acquired. Much easier said than done!

Line 'Em Up

I hate election season. Passionately. And hate is not a word I use lightly. Don't get me wrong, I love my country and truly believe in the democratic process that supports the United States Constitution. OK, except for the Electoral College, but that's a conversation to hold another time...

That being said, the way that our current system is set into motion I feel that I am always forced to select between extreme options, which generally means choosing the lesser of two evils. How can this be a truly democratic system if there are no moderate candidates that can find funding to rival the GOP and the Dems? I sincerely believe that this country is so divided on every issue facing this generation of government that we will not make any progress. I don't think that somebody who is elected by half of a percent really has the confidence of a majority of the people he or she is supposed to be representing.

I also believe that we need to limit the amount of money that anybody can spend on a campaign - including supporting or opposing referendums, amendments, and propositions. The biggest issues on the ballot in Colorado this year are called "The Evil Three" and the campaign against them is worth $6.8 million! Negative ads, bumper stickers, mailings, and road signs...the proponents don't have a chance, with only $17,000! $6.8 million vs $17,000, how is that a fair election?! Two of them I agree would be bad for the state, but one would make it cheaper to register and drive a car, which I support. But it doesn't have a chance - people who show up without really understanding the pros and cons of each will still vote no, because that's the message that they have received.

Another thing I think we need to reign in is the amount of time that people can spend campaigning. Since the primary elections this summer, we have received over 100 ads in the mail about ballot choices. Five of them were generic "get out the vote" ads, which is fine, but the rest were really unnecessary publications decrying horrific opponents or condoning records and missions. Similar to the television ads, I have trouble taking these seriously because the messages shared are taken out of context and seem to be enhanced to the point of being ridiculous. Not to mention the fact that they are expensive double-sided color prints on cardstock that is coated with wax and not recyclable! Giving them the month leading up to the election (even if you want to say the entire month of October, I could be fine with that) should provide plenty of time to post information, assail constituents with unsustainable propaganda, host meetings and Q&A sessions, and photoshop awful pictures of their opponents. We definitely do not need six months of that every year!

And I have told Diane Primavera's minions in Utah that if they call me one more time to ensure that I will be supporting her, I will definitely NOT be voting democratic for house district 33, but they insist on calling my cell phone and the house line EVERY DAY. Unfortunately her only legitimate opponent "Sleazy Beezley" might get my vote just because of her harassment. Either way Nov 2 can't come soon enough!