If You Love Somebody, Better Tell 'Em While They're Here

This has been a rough week. Bosco had to have an emergency surgery to correct a GDV and a gastropexy to hopefully prevent it from happening again. Very fast, very scary, and very expensive. He spent a few days in the clinic struggling with a rocky recovery, which the vets blamed on his age, and I blame on his Addisons. He's been home for several days now, is off of the pain meds, and thankfully seems to have more energy and appetite every day. He is also rocking a t-shirt that covers up his healing incision, and minimizes the time he has to spend in the cone of shame every day. The vets sent him home in a kelley green tee, that totally brings out the gold flecks in his eyes. He's definitely a winter - cranberry and cobalt are also good colors on him! Only half-kidding...

This week also included multiple memorial services. It's been an interesting experience to engage at various levels with them. One was for a dear lady I knew through church who was struggling with declining health and dreading potential long-term care solutions. Her children said that she "decided to go out on her own terms," and left this life a week before she was scheduled to move into an assisted living facility in Tuscon. We also sang at a memorial service for a friend's son, who lost his battle with brain cancer at 22. This service was packed, standing room only, and was full of the joy that he spread around him in his short time with us.

I've spent a lot of time thinking this week about what is truly important to me. At the end of the day, what will I remember? What seemingly urgent issues will be swept into the archives of memory and never brought out again? My little family was put through the ringer this week, but the joy that we shared when we could all be home together and at peace again made the challenging days worth the emotional and physical efforts. At the end of my life, what will be remembered about me? I would love to be able to say I created a legacy of joy and light. Since I've spent a good amount of time over the past few weeks considering what my priorities for 2015 should be, this has adjusted them slightly. What is the legacy you want to create?

Life is always unexpected, and sometimes it is hard. But the sun shines much brighter after a storm.

I Wish I Were Brave

I just did something that truly terrifies me. I took a huge leap of faith and put myself on the line, and laid bare my personal and professional aspirations to friends and colleagues, asking for their support. In my head, I know that at the end of the day these are people who are in my life for a reason, and if they change their opinion of me based on this request, they simply are not the member of my support network I assumed they would be.

That's where the fear lies - no matter what the responses are to this request, it will be obvious who does not support me. Yes, I will continually need to remind the ESFJ sensor-feeler in me not to take it personally, like just about every other human interaction I have. However, this feels really big because it's honestly the first time I have had something concrete to ask for since I started my business. Assuming you have people on your team is different than knowing who's there for sure.

Last January, I started off 2014 knowing that life would look a lot different at the end of the year. And oh, did it ever! There were a lot of things I decided to do that I had to justify to myself and to naysayers - start a company, support a husband who's job took him across the country for months, arrange a song for performance, quit a job. Big, life-altering decision, but changes that I have hope will lead to the flexible, fulfilling, happy and healthy life I dream about.

Now that the year is over, I am trying to decide if pushing myself to face my fears and try to embrace my true self has made it any easier to "hit send," so to speak, and follow through with decisions I make. I don't think that it really has, but I do know for sure that in the past year I experienced more moments of joy in my life than I have in a while. Inspired to continue designing the life that I want to live and share with my family, I resolve to ask myself, "Will this add joy to my life?" when facing a dilemma, and if the answer is yes, I'm in.

So long to last year, it's all becoming so clear
There's no use living in regret
Let's fight a good fight, train our eyes to find the light
And make this year the best one yet
Starting right here
Happy New Year

~ JJ Heller, "This Year"