Last week was really, really crummy. Nothing in particular went wrong, but every aspect of my life seemed to present a particularly challenging frustration simultaneously. Work, the house, companions receiving painful health prognoses, and I was fighting a cold which meant that processing everything took extra brain power and energy I didn't really have.
The roller coaster of life just took a rough turn. I know well enough to hang on and let the bad days pass, and wait for the next rush of positive energy to come along. However, these are the times in life when we learn who we can lean on, and I found myself rather alone.
I spent some time on a ride up to Estes Park with a fellow soprano who also had a rough week. We share two friends struggling with cancer, so we were able to process some of that grief together. There are also completely different issues each of us is facing that have made us both question how other people see us and relate to us. We talked a lot about this, and how to stay true to ourselves while being aware of how that affects others around us. It's a hard reality to face when you realize that the way you see yourself and your intentions is not received by people you interact with.
I feel that I have a solid base of support from my family, but from a few individuals who I thought of as friends I got very surprising reactions. I generally have good intentions, but during the times when I am not strong enough or put-together enough to carry through with them, I struggle to meet the expectations others place on me. It's hard to think that when I am not working to be perceived as a positive person who cares about those around me, I appear to not care about anything but myself, and in turn end up battling the world on my own.
Heading into the Thanksgiving holiday I need to focus on letting go of the things that are bringing me down, and try to avoid any behaviors that others see as selfish and mean-spirited.
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