I've Decided to be Kinder

This past week I have felt like I was in the eye of a destructive tornado. Nothing disastrous happened directly to me, but it seems like the world around me has been in chaos. However, being the sensor-feeler that I am, it is challenging to observe and and not internalize it as if it were happening to me.

Last week there was a non-altercation event with Bosco, who now has a criminal record and has been in quarantine for over a week, poor thing! Also, even though Brian and I escaped unscathed, lots of friends and family have been attacked by some sort of flu bug this week. For the most part, I think everybody is back on their feet, but it's been rough!

Friday was ultra weird. We finally had our front door replaced last week, and Friday was the touch-up painting day to complete the process. First of all, Brian was in Evansville for the night(I know, right? But he survived two days of airports to attend Shoe Carnival's VIP re-opening celebration), so I got to stay home for the painter. Turns out that my plan to go in a few hours late didn't pan out very well, since he was working until almost 4pm! My day had already been thrown off when the first news I got after my alarm went off was about the major quake in Japan, and that the naval ships in Pearl Harbor were trying to decide whether to stay in port to weather the resulting tsunami swells.

After checking on friends in Japan and hearing that they were all ok, and finally hearing back from Max that they had been safely evacuated to higher ground on the big island, I got an email that one of my favorite facilities men at Thunderbird passed away last week. After collaborating on a couple of Regional Nights, Tony would offer me a ride across campus anytime he passed me in his golf cart, making pleasantly distracting small talk or encouraging my academic efforts. Such sad news, as he was only in his sixties! The evening concluded with me driving in to the office because I couldn't access email remotely, and OCI needed to be scheduled for first thing Monday morning. Symplicity is not my friend, and I am so grateful to Alexia for sticking around till after 6pm(Friday!) to help make sure everything was set up.

Saturday included a memorial service for a friend of the family who lost her five-year battle with breast cancer, and Metz's rendition of 'Tis Pity She's a Whore at CU. Sunday brought beautiful sunny skies, an hour less sleep, and a rough draft of our taxes. Not exactly an energizing weekend, but I was surrounded by friends, family, and evidence that I am healthy and financially stable.

I am learning a new song for Sound Circle outreach programming called Kinder. It's a beautiful reminder to recognize the blessings in my life, and appreciate the small joys that are too frequently taken for granted. The unique element I find in this piece is that it's not a reminder to be gentle and understanding with people around you, but with yourself. Thought I would share, since it's been stuck in my head and it made this weird weekend manageable:

KINDER

I've decided to be happy, I've decided to be glad.

I've decided to be grateful for all I've ever had.

I've decided to let go of all this pain tonight,

I've decided to let go of all these demons inside.

I know that I am blessed.

I know all I ever wanted was this.

I know I don't need more,

I've got what I came for.

I've decided to be open to that little voice inside,

Telling me I'me beautiful, it's okay to be alive.

I've decided to be kinder to myself when I feel sad,

I've decided to be grateful for all I ever had.