Christmas Quotes of the Day

#5: "More than sometimes I feel like we should live in an HBO show."

#4: "It's the chimley, what would you call it?"
"A chimney."
"That's what I said, the chimley."

#3: "Last night I had my phone in one pocket, my camera in the other, and my wine opener in my back pocket."
"They should make a belt for all that!"

#2: *ring ring* "Hello... Merry Christmas to you too... Oh, we're just sitting here fighting with each other."

#1: "Don't mess with him, he went to the hard school of knocks."

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve Quotes of the Day

#3: "Ooooooh, you got some coconut boobs!"

#2: "She's a hillbilly, but she's a smart hillbilly."

#1: (grown daughter to dad)"Why do you always make me do things I don't want to do?"
(step-mom to daughter) "I'm always saying that to him!"

Hope Santa brings you something that makes you smile:)

Quotes of the day

Part posterity and part mutual amusement, here are the best lines overheard today from our family to yours:

#3:  "It's Christmas, don't start any shit."

#2:  "My kids got three different daddy's, but at least they're spread out. I got friends with kids 1, 2, and 3 or 4, with all different dads."

#1:  "I don't know you very well, but Merry Christmas anyway."

Cheers!

Saturday, What a Day!

Today I am thankful for all of the elements of the beautiful holiday season that make the beginning of winter so festive. Preparing to kick off Advent tomorrow made me wonder at the impact a few pine boughs and some glittery ornaments have. (For the record, I'm not talking about the tinsel-strewn plastic decorations that festoon retail stores this time of year.)

After Thanksgiving, I give myself full liberty to deck the halls and break out the box of holiday music. The moments that make me the happiest are on quiet evenings when the lights on the tree are sparkling, and the flames from lit candles are reflected in all of the glass surfaces in the room. Theoretically in these moments, James Taylor is crooning carols in the background and snow is drifting outside, but that level of perfection is rare.

Regardless, I am grateful for this season that celebrates anticipation, and I look forward to cherishing many moments with friends and family as we ring out 2011 and prepare for 2012.

Friday, Happy Day

We bought a car today. It's not the most practical model we could have chosen, but it's bigger than the Corolla and definitely more comfortable. I am bubbling over with excitement, but more on the new addition to come later...

For now I want to pay homage to my little car. She has been dependable and low-maintenance, and has gotten me through several cross-country transitions. I am very grateful for the years I have been able to rely on her and her 5-speed standard transition, and hope that with a little on-going care she will stick around for another 150K mi.

Thursday

Happy Thanksgiving! Today I am going to espouse my gratitude for my family, who has been a constant source of support this year. If you appear on this wall of our living room, know that you hold a special place in my life, and are thought of daily.

First of all, I am grateful to have married into a family that is loving and fun. We don't get to visit as much as I would like, but I love my in-laws, and for that I know I am fortunate.

I am who I am today because of the values and manners that my parents instilled in me over the course of the past few decades. They taught me the importance of honesty, and modeled the work ethic that got me through college and grad school. Since Bosco was diagnosed, they have saved us thousands in vet bills by graciously letting him interrupt their lives when Brian and I are both out of town. Dad has pitched in to help solve issues I create in pretty much every home maintenance project I take on, and is an awesome resource when it comes to taking care of my little Corolla. I am very fortunate to have a friend in my mom, to vent to when I have a frustrating day or to to share any joys that come my way, and ask for advice when I am struggling with anything.

The biggest blessing in my life this year has been my husband. I am so lucky to be able to share every day with somebody who knows how to make me laugh, and likes food(especially breakfast) almost as much as I do. For the most part we have the same taste in music, television, and movies, and he has started to open up to the idea of international adventures. Today we hosted Thanksgiving dinner, and it was totally a team effort. I love that we have grown to complement each other's abilities and support each other's strengths, even for tasks like roasting a turkey! I'm so lucky to have found the partner I have, and look forward to many more Thanksgivings to share.

Wednesday, Happy Days

Today I give thanks for my passport. Without it I would not have experienced the amazing places I have seen, or met some of the most wonderful people I know. It represents my freedom to travel, and the privilege of returning home. I am also grateful that I have been granted the curiosity to take advantage of these benefits, for some will never truly understand the wonder inherent in reaching across borders with a friendly heart and an open mind.

Tuesday

Today I am grateful for my house. It's not huge and we don't have a yard, but it's ours. Everybody should be so lucky to have a roof over their head and a bed to sleep in.

Monday, Happy Days

Today I am grateful for the impact music has on the human condition. I am so fortunate to have been taught the fundamentals when I was young, and had ongoing chances to nurture my love of musical expression.

On this Monday I feel especially blessed to be able to spend three hours with Sound Circle, singing and creating and preparing for our upcoming Solstice concert. I was in a pretty dark place when I was invited to join them again last spring, and I can't overestimate the affect of being asked to genuinely contribute to something after months of being told my time was not valuable to anyone else. There is much to be said for finding other people who encourage you to stay true to yourself, but I will suffice this post to focus on the music!

We received some exciting news this afternoon. In conjunction with Think Humanity, we received a large grant to develop a sister ensemble at a refugee camp in Uganda. What an awesome opportunity to share the joy I find in music! Even though it might not happen until the summer of 2013, I am thrilled to embark on this adventure.

Sunday

There have been lots of recent dramas among my friends and family, and I want to take this week to articulate all of the elements of my life for which I feel particularly grateful. Sorry if you find this boring or cliche, but I firmly believe in the power of sharing my gratitude and recognizing the blessings in my life. Here we go:

Women in my family have had a pretty rough year when it comes to physical health. In the wake of a double mastectomy, the replacement of a second hip, and the fusion of several vertebrae, I am more aware of my youth at this moment than ever before. Even something as simple as walking is challenging for many and may be for me someday. For now, though, as limited as they may be, I am grateful for my physical abilities and for my health.

This Glass Ain't Empty

There is a facilities manager who works in my building who is quite possibly the happiest person I have ever met. Our paths cross a couple of times a day, and he always waves and greets me, goes out of his way to politely hold the front door for me, and has even called the elevator for me. He always has a nice comment about the weather or the impending weekend, and emanates a positive attitude.

It was a challenge to drag myself out of bed this morning, and after pulling an outfit together and making some coffee, I reluctantly said goodbye to Bosco and drove to work lamenting the fact that it is only Wednesday. Outside the office I ran into Yuri. He stopped what he was working on and ushered me into the lobby, making the usual small talk about the beautiful sunshine, and sent me up to the second floor with a huge smile and a very sincere "Have a wonderful day!"

Less than a minute of interacting with him completely adjusted my approach to the day. What a positive way to influence other people around you!

What's Cookin'?

The kitchen has reached a stage of completion that has allowed some boxes to be brought back and the unpacking to start. Here is the view from the dining room into the kitchen.

This is mom's new cooktop. It's beautiful! Gas stove, two ovens, and a vented hood. Looking forward to all of the delicious meals that will come out of this kitchen!

Here's the new in-island touch-activated sink, and the HUGE workspace that is desperately in need of some bar stools!

This is "Joe's wine bar," which has since been lined with additional bottles to try or document. Also, Hazel has taken up residence in this corner, so the naming rights are currently being contended...

In Beauty May I Walk

I got to spend all weekend up in Estes Park with the phenomenal women of Sound Circle. Our fall retreat was very productive and my soul has been refreshed by the time spent surrounded by so many amazing people, and the breathtaking winter beauty that currently graces the Park. Our Solstice show this year is going to feature a piece we are composing that is called Requiem to Roadkill. The concept is to acknowledge the impact that we as human beings have on the environment around us, and to inspire respect for all of the creatures that we touch. We spent a lot of time talking about possible elements of the piece, and creating sounds that evoke those thoughts and feelings.

This was surprisingly a very emotional process for me. I internalize so many things, and the general ignorance and apathy of humanity towards animals is heart-wrenching to me. I have considered eating vegetarian before, and this weekend confirmed that at my core, I share those beliefs. However, I also understand the cycle of life and our dependence on protein in order to sustain ourselves. For me, the empathy I feel for animals that are injured or killed by humans is related to disruptions in that cycle. IE, not when an elk is hunted for a winter's worth of meals, but when a dog is beaten or a fox is run over and left suffering to die on the side of the road. So many times we cause interruptions like this and turn away, leaving a path of literal destruction in our wake. I am desperately saddened when I think about the world our generation's grandchildren will inherit if we continue to avoid acknowledging the damage we generate.

I have been inspired by another singers' mantra to First Do No Harm, and the knowledge that we must live the changes we want to see in this world.

Where the Bass and Back Beat Can Lock In

I haven't had a stellar year. I wouldn't even say that this past month has been very good. But this weekend was amazing!

First of all, it's the pivotal Autumn weekend when all of the leaves that turn bright amber and vivid ruby are in their full glory. To top that off we had a mini heat wave that left us three spectacular days in the 80's with perfect Colorado blue skies. Since it was my first time off and home in almost a month, there was much lounging around to appreciate!

There was no alarm set Saturday morning, and luckily Bosco decided he needed to sleep in too. We started off with pumpkin pancakes and then hit several restaurants in Cherry Creek for Brian's birthday culinary adventure, which was a lovely and relaxing indulgence. We finished the night off with games and pumpkin empanadas chez Gustin with some wonderful friends and a couple of bottles of wine. Sunday morning I accompanied the choir at church, and then got down to business on some of the household chores that haven't been done in three weeks. The terrifying tower of laundry was tackled, as well as the pile of donations that has been accumulating in the garage for a few months. Hopefully by the time snow comes we will be able to get both cars inside! I also made some progress learning music and movement for Sound Circle's Oct. 29th show, which has been heavy on my mind.

Aside from feeling relaxed and productive, I had several moments where I got to soak in everything happening around me and think, "Wow, I am so fortunate." In those moments, I find all of the things that stress me out to be trivial. I live in this breathtakingly beautiful place, with a handful of loving and loyal family and friends, in a very comfortable house that is always well-stocked. La vie est si belle!

Forget the Weights that Hold Me Down

I think over the past four days I may have gotten 15 hours of sleep. But it was worth it! Lanie and Will invited me and Jenny to come visit Albuquerque and experience the Balloon Fiesta. It turned into a whirlwind adventure that was full of bold southwestern flavors and tons of bright colors. I arrived with a list of must-try restaurants from the Johnsons, and we did our best to conquer them all. With Hatch Chiles abounding this time of year, everything had an extra kick to it. From coffee to taco salads, to enchiladas, it was all delightful. Our definite favorite was The Range - we liked it so much we brought the boys back for a second round later that weekend!

Saturday we got on the Balloon Fiesta shuttle at 4:30am. Ugh. We fought our way through the dark out onto the launch field, leaning on some fresh mini-doughnuts and hot coffee to keep us awake. Around a quarter to 6 the Dawn Patrol began to prepare for launch. Watching the balloons slowly rise and take on the horizon was absolutely stunning. We stood on the field and watched hot air balloons from all around the world inflate and lift-off for over five hours - 555 balloons in total. My photos do not capture the majesty and grace that these giants encompass. The designs are all creative, while some are more beautiful and thought-provoking and others are witty and amusing. Then there's the Darth Vader balloon...with a crew of Storm Troopers.

After extracting ourselves from the masses of spectators, Jenny, Dan and I went up to the top of Sandia Peak to check out the views. Our goal was to be up there to watch the sun

set and see the Night Glow. It turned out that there were plenty of other tourists who had the same thought - the wait for the gondola was 2 hours! We decided to take the scenic route and drove the 45 minutes up the mountain. We ended up on a very different trail head than the gondola, which we practically had to ourselves. The views were astonishing, and the Aspen trees were gloriously gold. We hiked around a bit, and watched the sunset, but realized that we were too far away from the launch field to see any of the balloons glowing. It was still an amazing day.

Sunday included a hike through Slot Canyon in Tent Rocks National Monument. Again, we had perfect fall weather, not too many other hikers around, and lots of photo opportunities. All four of us were all a bit slap-happy at this point due mainly to a lack of sleep(and partially to some white cheddar Cheetos), and we had a fantastic time. This is definitely an weekend I will repeat at some point in my life!

Good Day Sunshine

It's turning into my favorite time of the year again, and Heather and her munchkins got me out into the sunshine to enjoy it.  We wandered around Anderson Farm and picked out a pumpkin for the little man, and conquered one of the corn mazes.  The cows were enormous and very friendly, and the goats were tiny and talkative.  Isaiah connected most with the bunnies, though, and even made a valiant attempt to climb into the pen with them.  

So Happy!

Abigail was just thrilled to check out the colors and people, and fell victim to a nap somewhere lost in the corn.  I am loving having them close by, almost as much as I am loving this amazing Colorado weather!

Even though you have your own pumpkin carving kit, I think Mom's going to take this one on, buddy.

The Best is Yet to Come

The floors have been sanded and the varnishing has begun...

The granite is in and the island is HUGE...

Think you can keep it this polished, Mom?

Vanity in the new master bath is coming together...

And the new shower is going to be awesome!

What Good Does It Do

I have been completely defeated by every second of this week. Everything seems to be an uphill battle. I am physically exhausted and emotionally depleted, and am going to bed dreaming of getting home tomorrow night, hugging my boys, and reading myself to sleep in my own bed.

Moves Like Jagger

It turns out that Adam is just as good-looking in person, and Pat is just as awkward. And Gavin...well, I'm still not sure what to make of him and his need for affection.

This concert was fantastic - practically no waiting to get into or out of Red Rocks, and NO RAIN! Beautiful weather, including a gentle breeze, a great view of the city at sunset, and hours of good music. Each band had an entirely unique stage setup, with different platforms, screens, lights, and sound techs. Amazingly, it only took 20 minutes in between each performance to reset.

Gavin played mostly songs that were on his first album, which you might remember from waaaaaaaay back in 2005. It was unfortunately obvious that nobody was really there to see him, except for one girl several rows in front of us who was standing up and dancing the entire time he played, while everybody else filtered in and settled down with food and drinks. His sound mix was painful! I don't know if his vocals were too loud or the guitars were up too high - but something was awfully out of balance and I was relieved when the noise stopped.

Train had the biggest production, including an evolving wardrobe for Pat. They had a ramp across the entire stage with lights, that was most creatively used to feature a dancing cellist. He pulled a gimmicky stunt collecting girls from the front row to "dance sexy" to "She's On Fire," which was entertaining for a bit but I could have lived without. They didn't play "Get to Me," but I heard all of my other favs.

Maroon 5 was definitely my favorite act. I don't know what it is, because their music isn't super creative, but something about them has always registered with me. Even going back to Songs About Jane, I have enjoyed performing their music, and have used several of their acoustic recordings to inspire my efforts picking up the guitar. I've found that watching Adam take the stage seems to be hit or miss - sometimes he is an awkward front man in skinny jeans who doesn't know what to do with himself while the band plays behind him, but when he is on he cannot contain himself and his energy is contagious. He was bouncing off the walls last night, and I couldn't get enough of it! Especially their new single, which will be stuck in my head all week(don't tell her, but it was better without Christina).

Brian had a great time, too, so the evening was an overall success!

We'll be Better than Before

Dry wall has been installed - it's so weird looking at the walls that we painted blue back in 2005, and the new ones that are a blank canvas. Next steps are the cabinets, the flooring, and then the finishing touches like the granite and tile. Then paint, varnish, and fixtures. Can't wait to see the final outcome!!

It's An Exponential Thing...

Ben Folds rocked so hard he broke two piano strings at the Ogden last night. It was such a fun show! We went with Jill & Brian, and had a great evening.

Kenton, whom you might remember as the quirky Asian who led the group the Backbeats in the Sing-Off last season, was the opener. I liked him on the show, despite his group, but to open for Ben Folds I was expecting more than a guy and a mic, singing with recorded tracks he set in Garage Band. However, his slow and sensuous cover of "Toxic" made me very, very happy.

Ben performed a great blend of classics and songs off his new album. I enjoyed hearing him explain each song before he sang it, and learned a lot about his art. Just as I was regretting that I didn't get to hear him play "Philosophy," that was the encore!

If only there hadn't been five silly girls in the section in front of us recording the entire concert, it would have been absolutely amazing. A few pics, even a few video clips, fine - I am guilty of that too. However, using a flash will only take a photo of the heads in front of you. And taking 35 shots of every song is only adding to your library of...images of the people in front of you? I paid to watch a live concert, not to watch Ben in blurry colors on your LED, randomly disrupted by your flash going off. And the fact that there are other screens distracting people in the theatre doesn't mean it's ok for you to disregard those around you. All I have to say is that Karma is a bitch, babes.

Shed a Little Light

The windows are in, and the rooms look enormous! There are giant sliding glass doors out onto the future patios, and the "sunroom" is actually just that. I know the view is the same as it has always been, but looking at the Smarts' house across the street from a different angle is rather odd...

This is the view standing in the 'sunroom,' looking through the master to the north. I love that there will be a patio off the bedroom, and I think Mom and Dad will enjoy many sunsets there.

This is in the dining room, also facing north. There will be a hood between the windows, over the (gas!) range, just past where you can see the island framed. Eventually the wet bar will go up and its glass-faced cabinets will partially obstruct this view.

The french doors on the floor are blocking the lovely crystal lights (water that collects solar energy to heat the house, for those of you non-Coloradoans), where they will remain. We're still brainstorming window treatments that might camouflage them. Don't mind the poor piano, still not sure where that is going...anybody on the market for an upright?

The Sun Will Always Come Again

My faith in the universe has been affirmed. Completely and absolutely.

My contract with CU ended yesterday, and I have been on the fence between whether I would be excited to have all day to dive back into a job search full-force, or chagrined to have opened myself back up to an unspecified period of unemployment.

But I got The Call last week. The position suits me and my education, the commute is ten minutes with traffic, and the timing will provide me with an extra long Holiday weekend. Everything fits so perfectly, I have never been more sure that I am on the right track, and in the right place!

You're the Top!

The past few days I have been pretty grumpy. Some difficult customers have been challenging my patience and I have been frustrated by how short my fuse has grown. My first couple of hours at work this morning were continuing the pattern, and then I saw this.

Tuxedos, Fosse choreography, Doogie Howser, 'Anything Goes' music, and "six-packy" Hugh Jackman. I am ridiculously happy right now, and I have no doubt that the rest of today will be amazing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zkSpdvmXwDo

Nail by Nail

More updates on the house! The expansion and the main floor have been framed, and the door that's lead to nowhere my entire life now has a deck! Everything looks so much bigger, and I can't wait to see how things feel after walls are installed.

A new view of the garage - Hazel was very confused by the new doorway.

Standing in the new kitchen, looking through the pantry, the laundry room, and the master bath.

A blurry shot of the new

kitchen. I will not be sad to see that linoleum hit the dumpster.

New living room - the view will be amazing when there are windows in the sun room, and when all the moths are gone.

The House That Built Me

After six years of discussing the matter, imagining the possibilities, and cringing at the thought of taking out a mortgage on a house they already owned, it happened. Ground has finally been broken, and transformation of the house in which I was raised has begun.

We have resorted to bribing my parents with food to let us help move all of the furniture out of the main floor. The food is only a bribe because everything that made their kitchen functional was removed. The bathroom that Max and I shared growing up is now

where dishes are washed, the pots and pans are stored, and the rice is made. The stairs and the entire upper level have been shielded with plastic sheeting to minimize the spread of construction dust, but it conjures thoughts of the sterilization tents in ET and is very bizarre. Poor Hazel and Simon are visibly sleep-deprived, and the stress of having strangers around banging on things all day has induced panicked shedding and lots of extra attention.

Part of the cleaning out process meant that I had to retrieve things from my old room that somehow didn't make it to college, or ever move into subsequent homes with me. Perhaps the nostalgia I was plunged into sorting out pictures and memories from my childhood is what has made this transition a weird experience for me, but it has been much more emotional than I expected. Supporting Mom's decisions to update the house they built 26 years ago has been easy - the flooring is older than Max and needs to go! But actually

experiencing the house being taken a part has been difficult to justify in my heart. Every mark on the walls, every corner of the yard, and every box in the garage is tied to some sort of memory. I can't imagine what it is like for my parents, who picked out the lot, built the house, and raised a family there.

The floor plan just shows an extension on the back of the house and the build-out of the patio that was always supposed to be turned into a sun room. But from the inside, nothing looks the same! I know new memories will be made, and that all of the changes are for the best, but it still feels like a sort of permanent "goodbye." Alas, into the breach!

Your Choices are Half Chance

Motivation? Please? Are you out there? It's been a whole year, and I still have no idea what I an doing with my life. I am on a path, though, and sometime in the past month I have become settled with it. I don't know what July will bring, but at the moment my intuition is letting me relax and wait for it.

However, if I have ever wondered why I went to business school instead of law school, I got the best answer today: Bar Review. These brilliant students slaved away for three years, and logged hundreds of hours of service, interning, externing, and clerking. We sent them off this afternoon with a momentous celebration of the commencement of their professional careers. Except...they will be back in a week or two to start the two-month intensive process of cramming for the bar exam. How anti-climactic!

Unfortunately, you're not really Legal until you are subjected to a strenuous background check and a couple of additional months pouring through cases and multiple choice questions. Go take a nap for a few days then get your butt back here for more torture. When the test is over you won't know if you passed it for a couple more months, so you will have time then to think about what you want to do with your legal degree, and potentially recover from working your way through school.

In conclusion, my dear 3L's, I look forward to seeing you around this summer, and I am so not jealous of the adventure which you have undertaken. I'll make sure that the throw-down after the Bar Swearing-In ceremony next October is fantastic!

If You Like Pina Coladas

We have returned from Sinaloa, reasonably relaxed and sufficiently sun-kissed. It wasn't a luxurious gourmet and rum-soaked tropical vacation, but for once we had perfect weather, and there was no family drama!

We stayed in a house on the El Cid golf course, which is surrounded by the wealthier locals, and retired Canadians who decided(perhaps due to their love of tomatoes, which are the pride of every single local?) that their personal paradise is on the edge of the tropic of Cancer. Aside from the fact that every Catholic in Mexico was on vacation to celebrate Holy Week(third largest Carnivale world-wide...) and that every time you turned around somebody

was trying to hawk a kitchy souvenir or something carved out of a bit of tree bark, it was a very nice vacation. The historical center of Mazatlan is beautiful, and has lots of inspiring bakeries and cafes. The Cathedral of Immaculate Conception is supposedly the only catholic church in the world that uses the star of David in its stained glass motifs.

We spent a couple of days at the pool, took a very commercial tour of Mazatlan, and spent a long day out in the foothills of the Sierra Madres. We visited a pit where adobe bricks are made and fired manually, a man making beautiful marble tiles by hand, the town of Copala built around a silver mine, and Concordia. Concordia was founded in 1565 and is scattered with cobblestones and hand-made rustic furniture. We wandered

through the city hall and learned a lot about the history of the region from murals all along the courtyard.

The rest of the week was spent lounging on the screened in porch reading and eating authentic chips with homemade guac, or wandering the beach and gazing at the Pacific. I made it through most of the Stieg Larsson series, and Brian got hooked on my

Sudoku Joy app. Mom brought her French workbooks and we reviewed some grammar and vocab, which humorously resulted in her responding "oui, oui!" or "non!" whenever anybody spoke Spanish at her. We had a fairly uneventful trip back,

although it was definitely one of the bumpiest descents into Denver I have ever experienced! We landed on a Friday night, and had the entire weekend to relax and unpack, and settle back in. The Fri to Fri trip was a great idea and I will have to remember it when booking future trips!

Overall, I have to say that the most amazing part of the journey was that after a week of togetherness, we still went out for dinner together before going to our respective homes and crashing. I am definitely lucky to have such a positive relationship with my parents, as well as a husband who supports that.

What a Difference a Day Makes

This was my walk from the car to the office.

This was my walk from the office back to the car.

I love Colorado.

And then the Beat Comes

This week has been pretty amazing:

Lots of time with the most adorable dog in the world(and "Donkey")

We have a new favorite local Italian restaurant

Went to see Matt Wertz live and discovered Ben Rector

Fantastic final ski day of the season

A positive conversation with a VP of International Client Relations

Dinner with a visiting Arachnid

And the Pacific breezes are calling...

The Sun Will Come Out

OK, so I have hit another loop-de-loop in the Sidewinder that my life has become. As overwhelming as it is to be starting back at square one, I'm finding it more overwhelming to continue trying to approach the process with a positive attitude. I've been lucky to have several positive people around me: A counselor in my office who has made it her mission to put me in touch with every person in her life who has anything to do with event management, a friend traveling to Israel to add me to her family's wailing wall(OK, she's not going all the way there just to pray for me, but she made it sound like her main mission which brought me to happy tears), and several students who have visited the office just to check on me and bring happy thoughts all week.

It feels like after a year of this, persistence would have become a strength from practicing it so regularly. But the cover letters come more quickly now, and the positive attitude is becoming the true challenge for me. I know it's a cycle, and that there will be a peak at some point in the future, and am hoping that my head can convince my heart to find the energy necessary to pick up and keep going until the sun comes back.

The Road's So Rough

Dear Angry Man in the Silver Sienna,

I'm very sorry that I ruined your morning when I stopped at the red light. I feel that I was acting in both our best interests, even though your tantrum with the horn and your lewd gestures clearly expressed your disagreement. According to driving safety curriculum promoted by the state of Illinois, intersections are extremely dangerous and should not be considered lightly. Therefore, I do not feel guilty that I rescued you from the potential evil that you would have encountered had we both run the light and entered the intersection.

Sincerely,
Merix

Here Comes the Sun

This past week has been unseasonably nice for March. Highs nearing 70 and sunshine until 7pm...Bosco and I have hit the bike path a couple of times, which has been refreshing for both of us. My mile is back up to ten minutes, which is NOT refreshing, but may prove to be inspiring when I have a routine I can factor workouts into. Crocuses and daffodils are blooming, and there are a few buds on trees and shrubs. My crazy neighbor lady has Easter out on her front porch, which includes yellow chicks and several lambs perched around various sized pastel eggs.

As much as I am looking forward to sunshine and being able to spend hours outdoors, it makes me sad to think that we're at the end of March and sitting on less than an inch of precipitation for the year. March is usually when all the snow comes and wets everything down for spring blossoms, and I fear that this summer will be record heat with more awful fires. April, feel free to prove me wrong and bring lots of showers!

I've Decided to be Kinder

This past week I have felt like I was in the eye of a destructive tornado. Nothing disastrous happened directly to me, but it seems like the world around me has been in chaos. However, being the sensor-feeler that I am, it is challenging to observe and and not internalize it as if it were happening to me.

Last week there was a non-altercation event with Bosco, who now has a criminal record and has been in quarantine for over a week, poor thing! Also, even though Brian and I escaped unscathed, lots of friends and family have been attacked by some sort of flu bug this week. For the most part, I think everybody is back on their feet, but it's been rough!

Friday was ultra weird. We finally had our front door replaced last week, and Friday was the touch-up painting day to complete the process. First of all, Brian was in Evansville for the night(I know, right? But he survived two days of airports to attend Shoe Carnival's VIP re-opening celebration), so I got to stay home for the painter. Turns out that my plan to go in a few hours late didn't pan out very well, since he was working until almost 4pm! My day had already been thrown off when the first news I got after my alarm went off was about the major quake in Japan, and that the naval ships in Pearl Harbor were trying to decide whether to stay in port to weather the resulting tsunami swells.

After checking on friends in Japan and hearing that they were all ok, and finally hearing back from Max that they had been safely evacuated to higher ground on the big island, I got an email that one of my favorite facilities men at Thunderbird passed away last week. After collaborating on a couple of Regional Nights, Tony would offer me a ride across campus anytime he passed me in his golf cart, making pleasantly distracting small talk or encouraging my academic efforts. Such sad news, as he was only in his sixties! The evening concluded with me driving in to the office because I couldn't access email remotely, and OCI needed to be scheduled for first thing Monday morning. Symplicity is not my friend, and I am so grateful to Alexia for sticking around till after 6pm(Friday!) to help make sure everything was set up.

Saturday included a memorial service for a friend of the family who lost her five-year battle with breast cancer, and Metz's rendition of 'Tis Pity She's a Whore at CU. Sunday brought beautiful sunny skies, an hour less sleep, and a rough draft of our taxes. Not exactly an energizing weekend, but I was surrounded by friends, family, and evidence that I am healthy and financially stable.

I am learning a new song for Sound Circle outreach programming called Kinder. It's a beautiful reminder to recognize the blessings in my life, and appreciate the small joys that are too frequently taken for granted. The unique element I find in this piece is that it's not a reminder to be gentle and understanding with people around you, but with yourself. Thought I would share, since it's been stuck in my head and it made this weird weekend manageable:

KINDER

I've decided to be happy, I've decided to be glad.

I've decided to be grateful for all I've ever had.

I've decided to let go of all this pain tonight,

I've decided to let go of all these demons inside.

I know that I am blessed.

I know all I ever wanted was this.

I know I don't need more,

I've got what I came for.

I've decided to be open to that little voice inside,

Telling me I'me beautiful, it's okay to be alive.

I've decided to be kinder to myself when I feel sad,

I've decided to be grateful for all I ever had.

Stand in the Line Just to Hit a New Low

This morning I finally realized the true meaning behind the nickname CU Parking Services has earned. It's not just because they liberally and ruthlessly give out tickets to cars parked in those pesky pay-to-park meters(the ones that have coin slots next to the credit card reader, but don't register the coins you put in), but they are also high on power and demeaning to the lowly patrons who are forced to pay $50 a month to park within any semblance of walking distance to the building in which we work.

The last time I felt this humiliated and angry was when my academic advisor at Thunderbird told me that I should be happy that I hadn't been admitted to the exclusive Mexican Module Abroad - because it wouldn't be fair to my husband for me to be away that long. So much for supporting academic endeavors with equal opportunity...

If you're going to uphold a certain set of guidelines, that's fine. I will respect them, I am not angling to take advantage of the system. What has been frustrating me is that there have consistently been two different answers. Make up your mind! If my parking liaison tells me something she says came from your office, why should I have any reason not to believe her? It can't be anything but annoying to her when I come back with my rejection stories that mean she has to make another round of phone calls and emails.

To top it off, the passive-aggressive nonsense with your "Have a nice day" and your fake smile as I walk out the door with tears streaming down my face is absolutely not necessary. I think a brisk walk might be a healthy way to start and end my workdays, and have no intentions of handing over any more cash to the unfeeling and anti-customer service Parking Services.

If You Ain't Got A Friend

You know when you get let down by somebody you respect or admire, and you have a moment of realization that it's not the first time they've let you down? And you think about all of the times you have gone out of your way to help them out or be a friend to them, but it is apparent that they don't see you as an important part of their life? I've had several moments like that recently, and have found it difficult to convince myself to stop caring. It's easy enough for my brain to rationalize the fact that I was looking for a connection that they were not interested in, and it's not necessarily personal that they don't think of me as often or as highly as I think of them. However, my heart continues to be confused about why my efforts are unrequited - be it outreach in others' times of need, professional networking, or just friendliness in general.

I think one of my problems is that I have always been inclined to sincerity, and tend to avoid superficial relationships. (Galit would tell me that my problem is the values I possess, and that they are getting in my way of taking over the world.) But in all honesty, I am internally offended when somebody fakes a greeting or a concern. For better or for worse, I cannot fake concern. If you're having a bad day I genuinely feel bad for you and if there is something in my power that would improve it, I'd like to help do that. Why is that so weird?

I saw an unmemorable movie recently, and there's a scene when a high schooler steps into a street fight between a 4-person gang and a single guy, and a crowd collects at the windows of the restaurant they are in front of. Pre-left-hook, one of the gang members asks the kid what's wrong with him for volunteering to get beat up on behalf of a stranger, and his response struck me: "Four idiots laying into one guy while everybody else watches, and you want to know what's wrong with me?!"

I hope someday to be content with my values, and be strong enough to stand up for them.

I've Got a Hammer & a Heart of Glass

I found this in my current edition of "The Week," and it is a pretty perfect summary of the anxiety I have over the future of this nation's economy. I went back to school because I wanted to gain some insight into my strengths and how I can better apply them to my world. Even in college I had decided that I wanted to pursue a master's, and I selected a very rigorous program because I have always been an ambitious person; just going through the motions wouldn't have satisfied my intentions. I also decided that a college degree alone will not provide me with enough resources and credibility to achieve all of the elements the career of my dreams includes.

In this excerpt, Francis Wilkinson articulates the deep-seated fear that has been tormenting my hope in our future, as I have struggled to justify the jobs I think I would enjoy with the jobs I think people will pay me to do.

When I was a recent college graduate, I was fired from my job at an upscale Manhattan wine shop. (My boss' diagnosis was correct: I did have an attitude.) With rent to pay and no job prospects, I entered a Midtown messenger firm and started delivering packages for minimum wage. At week's end, I had scarcely more money than I had begun with. As a student, I had been enterprisingly frugal, cooking on an upturned electric iron when my propane stove was spent. That sort of poverty had its youthful charm. But working full-time for nearly nothing was something else - a depressing, even terrifying, experience.

According to a new study, three quarters of the jobs created in the first half of 2010 were low-paying - $9 to $15 per hour. I suspect that many Americans who hold such jobs - especially those with children - could teach me a thing or two about what true depression and terror feel like. The plight of the poor is, of course, a perennial topic, but its contours change according to the prevailing idealogical light. Looking back, we see the earnest, striving immigrants of the early 20th century, those teeming urban masses yearning for fresh air and a chance to make good. In the 1960's, we had the grim, explosive underclass, which was replaced in the 1980's by a sketch of Cadillac welfare mothers. Now, in the wake of the Great Recession, a new poor is taking shape - the desperate, downwardly mobile. Betrayed by markets, forsaken by government, they seem to look different this time. But their harrowing vantage point is the same as ever.

Just a Fool

Unemployment does have a few benefits, like enjoying several off-peak ski days this season, which has made for wide-open slopes and clear highways.

I have recently had a few promising interviews which have made me realize that my flexible days might be dwindling! As ready as I am to start the next chapter of my life, it's hard to imagine going back to work 40+ hours a week and limiting my ability to be alternatively productive. The things I am worried about fitting into a full work week include regular workouts, movie dates with Jay, Thursday trips up to Loveland or Winter Park, house maintenance, and quality time with Bosco. It also will challenge the amount of time I will be able to invest in supporting the RMCMA and the Humane Society.

Will I be able to find something to fill my time that is meaningful enough to my world that it's worth these sacrifices? Or am I crazy to think that I could achieve a work-life balance that satisfies more than one aspect of my aspirational goals?

Two Hands

Got this from Kallie's Beware the Moxiesaurus! blog, and I am interested to see the response I get.

Pay It Forward 2011 - I promise to send something handmade to the first 3 people who leave a comment here. To be eligible, you must also post this in your social media and offer the same thing to 3 other people. The rules are that it must be handmade by you, and it must be sent *sometime* in 2011.

Waiting in Vain

Where is the humanity in our contemporary human resource departments? Because of the 'poor economy,' the state of a job search these days seems to be a 'buyers' market.' I wholeheartedly agree with The Boston Globe's Heather Boushey that as a nation we have accepted our anemic economy as an excuse. America's previous can-do attitude has fallen by the wayside in lieu of a resigned acknowledgement that we can't change anything until it improves. OK, but it's an economy. Part psychological game, part monetary policy, part fiscal responsibility, and directly affected by decisions we as consumers make on a daily basis. Instead of promoting employment and investment like Germany, the low-growth ideals stimulating today's market seem to be leading us down the path that Japan took two decades ago that they are arguably just now beginning to come out of.

The most frustrating part of this situation for me is the carte blanche on manners that HR managers have developed. They don't need to impress anybody they don't want to hire, so they can get away with anything. Most of the time that means they can ignore me completely. Here are some ugly stats from my nine months of searching:

• After submitting an application, only 32% of the companies have sent an email acknowledging receipt of my submission. Each response is a very vague form letter from a donotreply@ address, with a "don't call us, we'll call you if we want to" message. Heart-warming to read, after you have devoted a few hours or days, or in one case two weeks, to perfecting your cover letter and adjusting your words to present yourself in the best light possible, but still provides peace of mind that you at least made it into the system.
• Only 9% of the companies I applied to gave me a personalized response. A couple of phone calls to follow-up on my resume with a few questions, and some emails to me from an actual recruiter.
• Possibly the most upsetting number is the actual resolutions I have been sent: 6%. That's how few of the companies I have tried to get a job with respect candidates enough to tell me I didn't meet their qualifications and they were moving forward in another direction. Phone interview or not, it is rare to actually be officially rejected! Someone told me once that I should be glad for that because I wasn't actually dealing with rejection, but I would seriously prefer to know that I was no longer on their list than leave everything up in the air.

When I had to replace myself before I left for Thunderbird, I received about 120 applications for the position. I personally wrote back to everybody, even the JD who wanted $140K to tell him that he was overqualified to manage the office supplies at a small software shop. It didn't take that much time to thank them for their work and wish them the best...am I the only person to consider how the brand is perceived by potential employees? Not to mention respecting the pursuit of other opportunities each candidate is looking into? But then again, I am just a bi-lingual MBA looking for work in a recession.