No Peace in This Mind

Another mid-term election came and went yesterday, and we finally get a bit of a break from the hounding political commercials, survey calls, and orders to exercise our American right to vote!  Hopefully we will have a couple of months off before the dreaded 2020 presidential campaign truly gets going.

Several contentious issues were on the ballot here in Colorado, including a few tax proposals to fund transportation and education, some minor updates to modernize language in the state constitution, new redistricting processes, and a proposition (112) initiated by a group called Colorado Rising for Health and Safety.  This was to require that any new oil and gas fracking rigs be required to set back at least 2500 feet from any homes, schools, hospitals, and waterways.

Weld County, just east of us, has an invasive network of infrastructure related to fracking operations, and there have been issues with water quality getting worse going back at least five years - including one neighborhood showing that they could light the tap water coming out of their kitchen sink on fire!  Respiratory health issues have been on the rise in the area, which have been tied to the chemicals and debris related to the fracking, and there have also been more than 15 unfortunate explosions in the past year that have injured citizens and workers, and taken out homes that exist above this network of underground pipes transporting pressure and water and oil back and forth. 

Overall, I understand that oil and gas operations account for nearly 7% of the state economy.  But the impact I see it having on my community is very negative, and this measure would have imposed some limitations on that potential danger.  I don't know if this is the best solution to the problem - if such a thing is possible, but of all the options on the table at the moment, I think this could make a tangible difference.

The measure failed, 43% in favor versus 57% against.

The current regulation is 500 ft, and existing rigs would have been allowed to continue operation as they are.  However, the Oil and Gas Commission did everything in their power to halt this progress.  The first step was to post a companion ballot issue that would compensate them for any losses that might be incurred should Prop 112 pass.  This amendment (74) would add vague language requiring the state government to compensate anyone who owned property that was reduced in value by any government decision or action.  For example, say a corporation owned an acre of land that would potentially provide access to an oil field, then the government enacted the regulation requiring a 2,500 ft setback, which meant that the company would no longer be able to use that acre of land to access potentially millions of dollars of oil.  The state would then owe the company for all of the potential oil they no longer had viable access to. 

Once 112 was approved and on the ballot, the fossil fuel industry pumped almost $32 million into campaigns driving opposition to Proposition 112.  Another $12 million was spent promoting Amendment 74.  That's $44 million just invested in two state-wide issues.  What else could have been done with that money if it had been invested in state infrastructure, supporting education initiatives, or improving the environment.  Really, anything other than manipulative television and radio spots would have been much more productive.

The main investor in these endeavors was Protect Colorado, a state issue committee registered for the sole purpose of opposing the "safer setbacks measure."  Over half of their funding came from just four organizations - Anadarko Petroleum(Texas-based), Noble Energy(Texas-based), PDC Energy(Colorado-based), and Extraction Oil & Gas(Colorado-based).  Beyond their direct contributions, Noble produced television commercials throughout October urging voters to reject the amendment which they then paid to air directly, but claimed to the FCC that they were not political in nature, and withheld them from campaign finance disclosure filings.  Most of the propaganda opposing the measure was produced by coalitions with intentionally misleading names, like Colorado Rising Action and Coloradoans for Responsible Energy Development.  Their ads and billboards falsely claimed that 112 would remove millions of jobs from the state, or somehow cripple rural communities spread throughout the scenic mountains we so adore.  In line with our national information distribution, these misleading soundbites easily manipulated the uninformed population.

To compare, barely $3 million was raised to support Prop 112, most of which was donated by grass roots efforts garnering $50-$500 donations from private citizens.  The largest contribution provided less than a quarter of the fund, coming from the non-profit Food & Water Watch.

These numbers don't even account for donations to candidates who support the oil and gas agenda.  More than $1 in $5 of DISCLOSED donations to all statewide campaigns and political groups this year came directly from a fossil fuel corporation.  But what about the undisclosed contributions that happen - both under the table, and on the air right in front of us?  The impact private financial influence has over our 'democratic' society is mind-boggling.

When will any of the elected leaders who claim that campaign finance reform is a necessary priority take action?  I fear that because we have allowed the system to open itself up to the 'voices' of corporations and billionaires, we will never be able to combat the dark money that has our system tied and bound.  To be re-elected, they rely on the existing system - should they make any efforts to adjust it, they will not have another term to impact any other changes.

When my angst gets to a certain boiling point, which it has been simmering at for a while now, I start looking for something I could personally do that would impact any of the things that make me angry.  Aside from running for office and beating my own head against that brick wall - which I definitely do not have the spine for - the next thing that makes sense is to throw up my hands and invest in a lovely piece of property in France or maybe in Costa Rica, where I could dial back the pressure, find a hospitality job, and focus on other more important aspects of being human like seeking the perfect red blend or educating ecotourists about reducing our footprints on this planet.  Doesn't that sound delightful?

But where would that really get me?  Perhaps my blood pressure would go down in the short term, but it would not impact the negative trends seem to be happening all around us.  And my tax money would still be contributing to the bottom line of already wealthy individuals manipulating the government, unless I were to completely renounce.

At the moment, no options feel like a positive change.  Any advice?  Any wisdom out there about how to continue working to build the kind of world I want to live in, when everything around me seems to find value in things I can't personally support?

Everything is Almost Perfect Here

I had an epiphany this week that has motivated me through several tasks, which I want to share:  Done is better than perfect!

Pareto's principle tells us that 80% of our results are produced by 20% of our efforts.  So within that 20% of effort, what is the difference between almost-perfect, and almost-almost perfect?   For me, quite a bit of time and procrastination - not necessarily improvement.  I don't think of myself as a perfectionist, since I don't really ever think there is a state of 'perfect.'  I do constantly doubt the done-ness of my work - and am always trying to raise the bar, thought - maybe there's a bit of perfectionism in there somewhere, driving me crazy.

This week I've been working on learning to back off and be satisfied with the second or third draft, as opposed to tweaking and re-tweaking and waiting until the morning to re-read and re-tweak.  Done is much better than perfect! It's a bit nerve-wracking for me, but the relief of being able to check the task off of my list is so much better than the weight of having it continue to hang over my head.

So for now, I'm adopting the mantra, and we'll see if it continues to drive forward momentum.

Broken Hearts Make it Rain

This morning I attended the Business Women's Leadership Group hosted by the Boulder Chamber.  The theme(fitting for Valentine's Day) was "Love Yourself & Your Heart," and featured a panel of speakers offering advice about heart health, stress management, work-life balance, sleep and nutrition.  People asked for advice about everything from "How can I better prepare for an appointment with my cardiologist or GP to maximize our time together," to "Why am I awake for an hour in the middle of every night," and "How can I tell whether I'm just cranky today or if I'm suffering from actual anxiety?"  The speakers each had a unique perspective with helpful tips about what it takes to feel balanced and be healthy, but none of the advice they offered was newsworthy or revolutionary.  Sleep more, eat whole foods as much as you can, and stay active(even a minute of walking around your house to break up bouts of sitting qualifies as "activity!")  All good reminders!  Overall, I very much enjoy BWLG events, and the turnout this morning was no exception.

However, my experience of the whole conversation was shaded by an experience I had yesterday, which I feel is an indication of why it's easy to bring a group of 60 women together to talk about why we need more sleep, healthy activity, and positive nutrition.  I met with a client who breezed into the conference room a few minutes late and looking very flustered.  As she settled down I offered to take a minute if she needed some time to get centered, and she burst into tears.  She had come from a meeting with her director(also a female leader in her company), who had just told her that she was not living up to her salaried position, because she wasn't responding to emails after dinner, and hadn't put in enough time on the weekends lately.  This woman has a fierce work ethic and more integrity than most I've had the privilege to collaborate with.  Hearing about someone being disappointed that she had been spending time in the evenings with her husband and two small children instead of responding to after hours work requests?  My heart broke for her! 

To me, a salary means that I will put in as many hours as it takes to get the job done.  During conference weeks, I can easily put in back-to-back 17-hour days that are exhausting.  But there are weeks during the summer or in the middle of ski season when I don't have deadlines, and get to take a half-day to go for a hike or spend a random Wednesday on the slopes with my dad.  Unfortunately, this is not the first time that I have encountered a manager who has the expectation of "salaried" employees to be accessible 24/7, and I think this is a sad factor contributing to our current society. 

The panelists this morning spoke about taking care of yourself in order to be the most productive person you can be, particularly as women attempting to thrive in professional environments.  But how can we as a culture move away from the constant urgency that surrounds us?  Feeling tethered to our email accounts and our cell phones is not the answer to living a balanced and healthy life.  No matter our gender, we have to set boundaries as individuals and focus on working within our limits.  This is a critical step when we make commitments to others - for work, family, or personal obligations.  I can work on that, and you can work on that.  But it will take a community working together to respect ourselves and our potential before the societal norms begin to shift, and I'd like to see the impacts of that change sooner rather than later.   

When What People Said Meant Something

I've tried not to hash out my true feelings about the current state of American politics when friends and family are around, because it has just become so unpleasant!  But current events over the past month have pushed me over the edge. I've never been more embarrassed to be an American, and I have been longing for the days when anything expressed on a national platform actually meant something. 

Remember when?

• Leaders had to have integrity and accomplished careers to earn the respect of people they needed to elect them
• 'Family Values' included respect and support for your partner and all of your children
• Meeting, or hearing a speech by, or working for the White House was an honor a select few people got to receive on an annual basis
• Legislation used to be researched, discussed, vetted, tested, re-written, and reviewed again; and citizens had the opportunity to weigh in by sharing their feedback with their representatives, and those representatives had the opportunity to submit amendments, based on that feedback

When did it become acceptable for anyone - let alone someone holding prominent decision-making abilities - to use slang anatomical terms on national media, so vulgar that broadcasts replaying the quotes have to censor them?  I refuse to accept this behavior as 'normal.'

When did we become so attention-deficit that announcements and opinions shared in the incomplete sentences of a 140-character tweet are guiding government policy?  I expect my legislators to represent their constituents, research effective policies, and communicate professionally to defend their decisions.

I understand that politics includes making "promises" during the campaign that aren't always feasible to keep once installed.  However, I am disappointed in all of the people I hear continuing to support politicians who made bold statements and commitments to electors during an extended campaign, and reversed course once they have had the ability to drive those changes.  The leaders I support stand behind their commitments, even when it means explaining why they couldn't accomplish something they were trying to.  Whether you accomplish it or not, if you claim to believe in something, those beliefs shouldn't change when you are actually installed.

When did it become tolerable for leaders to change their story every day until it's nothing like their original statement?  I refuse to normalize the lack of accountability our leaders have for the things they say, on or off the record.

When did it become possible for government employees to continue to add pages to their federal disclosure documents as their past actions are revealed to the public, simply because they didn't realize that "comprehensive" actually means "everything?"  When the rules bend for some, there is no way to hold them fast for anyone in the future.

When did we begin to accept that government employees in public service positions can garner additional profits by directing government business through their personal enterprises - including money from foreign governments?  I prefer that my tax dollars do not end up in the hands and pockets of manipulative corporations, especially when the owners have allegedly committed to serve our country.

When did it become acceptable for our commander in chief to condone brutality by law enforcement agents?  I expect the leaders of our country to work towards equal rights, equal opportunities, and justice for all citizens.  There is no place for violent behavior in a system with the primary goal of keeping peace in a civilized society.

When did empty threats spread over social media become newsworthy?  I cannot listen to any more media correspondents read and discus social media posts as if they had personally interviewed the source.  To maintain any level of integrity, facts should be verified by multiple sources before they are broadcast.  Anyone can post anything on the internet; that does not make it true.

When did bribery become a common and legal component of our political system?  A true democracy would not be controlled by financial contributions, which purchase the opinions and votes of our representatives, senators, and governors.

When did destroying the world around us become common practice?  In less than a decade, our planet will not have the ability to produce enough food to sustain the projected population.  We should be working together to ensure the future of our species, but we seem to be vying for the most efficient depletion of natural resources possible.

How many more people have to suffer or sacrifice their personal liberties before we can offer equal opportunities to all people, regardless of gender, race, religion, economic background, or how you choose to define your family unit?  How far do we have to lower our standards to be able to elect officials who live with integrity and abide by ethical morals? What will it take to get back to an America where I can be a patriotic citizen again? 

I refuse to accept our current state of disarray as the new normal.  Even though it may take years to sort through the mess our society has created, I do believe that we have the potential to find a way out of the darkness.  We are all in this together, for better or worse, and I choose to believe the future will be better.

So Fresh and So Clean Clean

After a high-intensity spring filled to capacity with fundraisers, conferences, and award ceremonies, June ended up consumed by personal trips.  We spent a long weekend in New York City.  Sound Circle ventured to the Western Slope to perform, and spent a few days recording in the Rangely Tank.  Then we joined a family reunion on the Beaches of 30A in Florida.  Needless to say, by the end of the month the yard was looking rather unkempt and the house was much more cluttered than it's been in a while!

The first Friday we were both home again, a cleaning frenzy unlike I have ever experienced was sparked!  After an hour-long search for something I should have been able to immediately put my hands on, I was frustrated at my lack of organization, disgusted by the clumps of golden retriever hair that wafted around with everything I moved, and amazed at how much stuff had collected on all of our horizontal surfaces. 

Brian had an emergency at the office and had to go in that Saturday.  On top of having to work all day, the poor guy had to be at his desk by 6am!  Trying to be supportive, I rolled out of bed when he got up to shower, and made coffee.  Initially I was thrilled at the prospect having the house to myself to work some and relax, but as I was lounging in bed after he left, my brain wouldn't stop thinking about all of the work that needed to be done.  I wanted to organize the storage closet in my office, and sort through the piles of mail that had collected on the kitchen island over the past month.  There was lots of laundry to do, and all of our packing and un-packing had created a pile of half-used toiletries on the bathroom counter.  It didn't take long for me to get out of bed and make a tour of our main floor, mentally listing all of the areas that desperately needed attention.  A lot of attention!  

I wish I could re-create the angst that inspired such a burst of energy, because I don't remember the last time I was so productive.  I cleared off every surface and loaded the dining room table with the piles that needed to be sorted.  I started the laundry, deep cleaned the kitchen and all of the bathrooms, swept and vacuumed the whole house, and refreshed all of the sheets and linens. 

At some point during the day, I realized that since the yard is usually his domain, when Brian got home he'd feel obligated to mow the lawn and fix up at least the front yard.  But who wants to deal with that after a full day of problem-solving?  With Bosco's supervision, I trimmed a bunch of low-hanging branches and cut back our aggressive bushes, dead-headed the faded iris, and pulled all of the thistles and milkweed I could get my hands on.  The mower cooperated and I got the entire yard cut, and scrubbed the sap off the deck furniture. Between the weeds, all of the dead pine needles piled on the deck, and the shredded pine cone bits our charming squirrels insist on dropping in the back yard, I filled both of our trash bins with yard debris.  By the time Brian got home, I was giving Bosco a bath, in hopes of extending the pleasure of the clean house and neat yard.  

It was a whirlwind of stuff.  And dirt(really grimy dirt).  And no writing or goal-setting or daydreaming.  And oh, was I sore for a couple of days.  But Sunday was pure bliss!  Sleeping in, with fresh sheets and a soft fluffy pup.  Waking up to a clutter-free truly clean house with no chores left to do.  We both got to relax and enjoy our little sanctuary for the rest of the weekend!

All this week I've felt organized, more productive, and and more motivated to keep things from collecting like that.  Something I hope to remember in the future every time I am inclined to put off something menial - chores/responsibilities/work tasks only get bigger and more complicated the longer you procrastinate them! 

Please Don't Wake Me Now

My alarm went off five minutes earlier than my husband's this morning. Some days I hit snooze and doze until his alarm goes off, but not this morning.

I got up, started a pot of coffee, and did some morning affirmations before 30 minutes of yoga. While he was in the shower, I spent fifteen minutes triaging my email to check for any surprises, and then put myself together for the day. With him out the door, I got on a conference call, and then spent a half hour following up on client task work. I took a break early on to drive my mom to a medical appointment, swung by the post office to ship a gift to a friend, go to the bank, and stop at the grocery store. I returned home just in time for another work-related call, got the roast for dinner seared/seasoned/started in the crock pot, and then made myself lunch. My afternoon was full of client work, and I also did a consultation with a local non-profit coordinating an awareness walk in the spring. I signed off at 6pm and went to rehearsal, where I spent two and a half hours on stage, preparing for our upcoming concert and discussing our trepidation about the current state of the country. I returned home around 9:15 to find my husband on his computer, so I made a salad, steamed some fresh broccoli, and sat down to eat dinner around 9:45.

 "How was your day?" he asked, as he sat down next to me. It wasn't particularly a good day...there were a lot of miscellaneous things to do, and I didn't feel very focused. "It wasn't a bad day," I shrugged, contemplating all of the unfinished items on my to-do list and unsure how I really felt. "How was your day?" After a heavy sigh, he replied, "Today was a really long day."

He doesn't have a trivial job and I know he works hard. Lots of important people report to him, and he reports to other important people, and there is always tension between time spent in meetings and time actually doing the tasks assigned in meetings. But comparatively, he drove to work, went out to lunch, worked all afternoon and came home, where I assume he just worked some more. I got to exercise, eat healthy food I made myself, run personal errands, help out a family member, volunteer time to a local charity, and put in 6 hours of contracted work for clients I love. I also spent fulfilling time engaged with activist sisters making art to improve our community, and cooked a wholesome meal for my partner.

How was my day? I was a serious bad-ass today, and I am literally living the dream!

You Never Forget Your First

Last spring I parked my little gold Corolla on a side street in Downtown Boulder while I spent a full day in a strategy meeting.  It was overcast and drizzly all day, and when I returned to my car for the ride home, the driver's seat was soaking wet.  So wet, that when I got home, my pants were drenched and dripping when I changed out of them.  I assumed that I had left a window cracked, and chastised myself accordingly.  Then, later in the week I found myself getting splashed in the face periodically while driving in the rain.

I checked the window, which was definitely closed.  Befuddled, I followed the drops to a seam along the windshield.  On the outside along the glass, the car has rust spots that prevented me from having the pocked windshield replaced a couple of years ago because once removed, nobody could guarantee they would be able to properly install another piece of glass.  (Apparently this is a common issue with Japanese cars from the late 90's.)  I called my dad with a heavy heart to ask about potential remedies, and he casually delivered the news that it was probably time to let the car go.

We coasted through the dry Colorado summer without incident, but when her registration came due in August, I decided it would be silly to keep a car during the winter that I couldn't stay dry(or keep passengers dry) in during inclement weather.  I followed the advice on the radio and donated my loyal vehicle to CPR for auction.  I know it's silly to have become so attached to a possession, but when the man came to take her, and loaded her onto a tow truck behind a Saab that had all of its back windows smashed out, my heart broke a little.

We had a great 13 years together, and I am so grateful for having had such reliable transportation.  I bought her a week before I needed to be back on campus to start my senior year at DePauw.  She needed an O2 sensor pretty early on, and I replaced the struts and the clutch at 120K.  I could change the oil myself, and the mechanics of the engine are in fine shape - cosmetically, the car is just falling apart.  I've put up with a lot of little issues, though, because the task of replacing a low-maintenance manual transmission that averaged 40 mpg is a tall order in our current automated and computerized society.

Together we managed 6 interstate moves, 2 degrees, launched a business, and taught 4 boyfriends how to drive a stick shift.  We explored the Midwest, the Rocky Mountains, the Southwestern Desert, and endured countless hours on I-70.  We listened to lots of books on tape(then CD, when I upgraded her deck), scanned the radio in at least 15 different states, and hosted joyful dance parties for one.  When my other golden sidekick joined my life, I got to bring Bosco along for the ride, and the window was the perfect height for him to sit in the back seat and still have his ears flap in the wind.  

To my perfect-for-me '98, thank you for the years of protection, opening up possibilities and adventures, and helping me "get things done."  You've set the bar high, and no matter what I drive in the future, you'll always be my favorite.