You're Nodding, but are you Listening?

I've recently spent some time exploring a few dominant personal traits and inclinations, and how they can be perceived as strengths or weaknesses in my professional life. Because of this, I have been easily distracted by articles touting leadership qualities, and debating behaviors that make somebody an effective manager or leader. One characteristic that seems to be a common thread in most of my reading is that to inspire somebody to follow you and help you implement your vision, you must be a good listener.

This is absolutely logical, in that you can't reasonably provide a purpose and direction to an individual or a team unless you understand what is motivating them, as well as what challenges they are struggling with. However, one HBR article highlighted that empathy is what makes this leap from hearing what your team has to say to truly understanding their position and perspective.

Paul Bennett, Chief Creative Officer at IDEO, shared “for most of my twenties I assumed that the world was more interested in me than I was in it, so I spent most of my time talking, usually in a quite uninformed way, about whatever I thought, rushing to be clever, thinking about what I was going to say to someone rather than listening to what they were saying to me.” This struck a chord with me. Not because I could ever qualify myself as clever or even wanting to appear clever - but because I would like to focus on developing a better understanding of how I could be helpful to people around me. The empathy is key to this idea - you have to actually care about what the answer is in order for your questions to be effective. This applies to personal relationships just as much as professional interactions.

It's a solid networking principle that people love to talk about themselves, so asking questions that allow them to open up to you personally tends to engage people on a higher level than simply discussing a common interest. This requires an intention to remove your ego from the conversation and slow down and learn from other perspectives, instead of defensively debating based on your own point of view(which might not always be interesting to other people). My father is an excellent example of this concept - he is always the most interested person in the room, and he asks detailed questions for the sake of genuine curiosity. I don't know whether this is just in his INTJ-engineer nature, or if this is something he has cultivated over the years, but it is definitely a skill I would like to intentionally practice and augment this year.

There is Deep Rest Here

As we celebrate this longest night and welcome the return of the light, I want to share a beautiful poem we featured in our concerts last weekend. Preparing to end 2013 and begin the new year, the Solstice is always an apt time to release any negative energies that have built up and focus on finding peace and joy to center myself. I wish you and yours the deep peace that is unique to this season.

I Have Found A Winter
I have found a winter in me
that before I kept at bay.
It whispers within
reminding me to calm
and come inside.

While I am mad for spring
and thrill to every fall, now I slow
and settle into winter's bare blanket.
There is deep rest here,
a quieting of the soul.
Threads frayed and severed, mend,
and even the cold silent days
spin dreams.
Candles cup their slender brave flames
for all the world a fire in the night.

Though the stern insistent business of schedules
stamps its foot, demanding we not look away,
the winter within hopes that we will.
That we will not turn
from its invitation to calm, to rest
to remember what we know
and to wonder, wait, and listen
for what we do not.

From Along the Way, New and Selected Poems by Linda Millemann.

Let it Snow!

I've held out so far...even though holiday music has been playing in stores and on the radio for weeks. Listening to rehearsal recordings to get memorized for our upcoming Solstice concert has helped too, as well as the fact that it's been sunny and in the 60's! However, we woke up to beautiful, fluffy snow this morning, and I am acknowledging my decision to jump the gun and get into the Holiday Spirit before Thanksgiving this year.

It wasn't a conscious decision in the moment, but flipping through my stations on the way to work I stumbled across Bing Crosby's voice encouraging an audience to sing along with him "as loud or as pretty as you know how." Something inside me burst, my heart skipped a beat, and I couldn't help but crank the volume. Maybe it's the snow, maybe it's the fact that I just realized we miss a whole weekend of the season with Thanksgiving falling so late this year, or maybe it's the fact that I've been designing holiday greetings at work all week. Either way, the warm flood of joy that surged through me in the car this morning is the reason I spend so many months anticipating this season. (And, admittedly, the reason we have a separate storage box for all of my Holiday music.)

I'm not ready for Nat's Christmas Song or Barbara's Ave Maria, but the frosty view out my window all day has confirmed that I am in the mood for some jingly tunes to put me in a jolly mood.

Autumn Leaves of Red & Gold

This week I have been reveling in the magic that October brings - and we actually have leaves of our own to enjoy this year! The grove of aspens in the back yard has turned a brilliant gold, and there is an ash peering over the neighbor's fence that is blowing bold red leaves over into our yard. Give me a few weeks and I will probably be resentful for having to rake them all up, but for today the sky is a perfect shade of blue, the grass is still green, the leaves are scattering jewel tones around the yard, and I am in awe of this jarringly beautiful shift nature is sharing with us.

Tomorrow is a Mystery

I read this quote this morning, and had to share because it makes me happy.

"'When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,' said Piglet at last, 'what's the first thing you say to yourself?'
'What's for breakfast?,' said Pooh. 'What do you say, Piglet?'
'I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?' said Piglet.

Pooh nodded thoughtfully. 'It's the same thing,' he said."

Cheers

I Sing for All the Souls Who Do Not Complain

I am feeling much gratitude today, for my health and for my potential. And so tonight, we sing for all of us.

Don't Make Me Live for my Friday Nights

Approaching the last week of my twenties, I attended a birthday celebration for a dear friend. It was a fairly intimate group that gathered for dinner on Saturday evening on Pearl Street, and after dinner we went to the new bar Press Play. It's a basic arcade bar, with lots of classic Atari games (BG had the high score on the Centipede console for a while) and some fun pinball machines. We had been there before, but not really on a weekend night, or when students were in town. It got packed pretty quickly, and there was more than one moment when I had the thought "I think I am getting too old for this..."

I was lamenting this fact when somebody else at our table said something along the same line. We laughed at our observation, and throughout the night added to the list of things that we found ridiculous about our situation.

You know your twenties are over when...
1.) You think the music is loud before the DJ is completely set up.
2.) You think the waitress pushing jello shots needs to put some pants on.
3.) The 2x4 Jenga game collapsing onto the concrete floor makes you wonder if ear plugs would be prudent.
4.) You think the pool tables are too close together, because you can hear the guys playing next to you talking about getting arrested.
5.) You are glad you skipped the heels and opted for something with less character because you know your feet would be killing you all weekend.
6.) You wonder if she is wearing a shirt or a dress.
7.) You think all of the boys in the room need a haircut and a new razor.
8.) You don't get carded at the bar.
9.) You see somebody you might recognize from high school, and realize that was 15 years ago, and it's most probably not them.
10.) You can't imagine sticking around for last call.

Sometimes I think I have hung on to some amount of youth, and then I have a night like this and realize that I am facing 30 head-on. And, honestly, I am okay with that.