But Firmly They Compel Us

We saw the Sound of Music at the Buell this weekend. I used to watch the Julie Andrews film every day when I was little - my parents have VHS evidence somewhere that shows me at 3 years old singing a fully choreographed version of "So Long, Farewell." Because I love the original so much, I went in to this with the expectation that my brain would spend the entire show comparing the actors' voices and mannerisms with the ones I know and love, and that my heart would spend the whole time waxing nostalgic for 1965 Salzburg.

I was blown away by the gorgeous and powerful voice that came floating off of the set when Kerstin Anderson launched into the title track. Aside from a few distracting ticks(how many times can you try to tuck fake hair behind your ear?), this young woman definitely did Fraulein Maria justice. The sets were creative, the lighting was fabulous - especially the scenes in the Abbey that features a bold and colorful back-lit stained glass window. The whole show was very well done, and we enjoyed it immensely.

However, the historic context of how Germany and Austria divided their loyalties based on Hitler's manipulation of politics struck a little too close to home. I know that my 3-yr-old self did not understand the reasons why Liesl couldn't pursue a relationship with Rolf, or why the Captain was so upset at finding the flag of a party he despised in his front yard upon returning from his honeymoon. But as an adult, my heart is aching for our country, after considering the trials families went through during that period to pursue their basic freedoms.

Austrian citizens who did not appreciate Hitler's dictated rules were cast out of their community, and eventually their country by those who blindly followed his hatred and division. Our country is so dramatically polarized right now, it's impossible not to wonder if we are not headed toward a similar fate. Parties, issues, media - no matter what topic you ask people about, you will get passionate responses that are so evenly divided - 48%/52%, 45%/55%, 51%/49%. No matter where your alliances fall, you are up against the other half of Americans who believe that the opposite approach is best.

I have been distraught about the current election cycle for months now. Each day brings to light another reason I am terrified for our future. So many Americans are unhappy with our current state of affairs, and so many people disagree on how we can get ourselves back on track. How can we find compromises that will move us collectively in a positive direction, and won't further the divides that are growing? There's no right answer, but there has to be a better solution than packing up your family in the middle of the night and seeking asylum with a neighbor to the north.

Getting Acquainted With the Edge

There has been a lot of spring/summer construction in Boulder County over the past couple of months, which has resulted in a lot of extra traffic. All of the major roads we could take to get into town have some project in the works, and I have started to add an additional 5-10 minutes to my commute times knowing that I will encounter the neon vests standing at the side of the road with the Stop sign on a stick, and end up in a line of cars waiting to pass. (Not an easy feat for someone who serially runs 5 minutes late!)

Because of this, I've spent more time than usual stuck in my little car, frustrated with everything around me that is out of my control. NPR can only distract me for so long before my mind continues creating what-if scenarios that have little chance of ever becoming a reality, but have a very powerful impact on the ball of panic that grows so easily in my chest when my imagination takes over. Did I mention that my air conditioning needs to be re-charged, so I've been experiencing this with my windows down, trying to sweat as little as possible as June's dry 90's circulates through the vehicle?

I've been trying to use this time to practice accepting the fact that I can control very little! I've been focusing on the moment, appreciating natural beauty of the Boulder trees that line the roads and the spectacular clouds that decorate the Colorado blue skies. I've been trying to arrest the physical sensations that accompany my anxiety with breathing mantras and EFT tapping, and have been able to successfully bring my attention back to the present moment. The deep breathing relieves my muscle tension, and the tapping points have an immediate impact on my physical condition, in the best way. No more panic-induced adrenaline coursing through me, no more frustrated resentful energy blasting at the poor guy holding the stop sign. No more apologizing for things I can't change.

This approach has led me to more easily let life happen as it progresses, and now when I get stopped where Valmont becomes one lane, I'm grateful for the minute or two I have to relax and center myself.